Outlandish Paine's Peculiar Pizzas
by Cloud On A Stick
Summary: .AkuRoku. Oddjobs, Tennisballs, Problems, Pizzas. Oh dear, someone's really got it in for Roxas.
1. SQUID

Outlandish _**P**ain_e's **P**ecu_liar_ _**P**i_zzas

catr - hpe

oe - n

**SQUID**

Roxas carefully treaded over the many soft plushies littering the ground, and squirmed when he stepped on the one he had been wanting to avoid. Damn that Barney.

His eyes wandered the room, searching for her. She was probably at her little desk, writing about how trivial it was being the younger sister of two who were so imbecile-ish. Or something like that. Quistis had always been too clever for her own good – it worried Roxas and Naminé. Well, Roxas liked to think it worried Naminé, but at the moment Naminé was stuck in 'I-R-EVIL' mode, so she couldn't really think about anything.

Roxas sighed, and carried on his way through the cramped room and eventually found Quistis, sitting at her desk, writing a letter to the President. And for a little side dish, writing about how trivial it was being the younger sister of two who were so imbecile-ish. Roxas tutted.

"Lunch time."

And then he tried to get out.

By the time he had, his lunch was cold and his mother shouted at him. However, the fact that his lunch was cold didn't bother him much, as it was salad, and many a-person knows that salad, in fact, is a dish meant to be served cold, perhaps with a sandwich placed neatly on the edge of the plate, tucked between a tomato and a new potato.

"Roxas! Get down here, now!" cried Fuu for the fifty-fourth time that day. Roxas grumbled as he paced the landing and ran down the stairs, only to be met by the fearsome face of his mother. Fuu was thirty-nine and had three children: Naminé, Roxas and Quistis. All blondes. This lead Roxas to ponder who his father was, considering that Rai, who all three children had previously assumed to be their father, was a brunet and had a tendency to shout, "Y'KNOW!" at awkward moments.

Because, who does that at a funeral when the priest starts telling the funeral-goers that the person who died was a treasure to the community and grew roses?

Well, Roxas wasn't one to judge he supposed. Everyone in his family had _some_ sort of problem – he for one, passed out at the most unpredictable times, and the most inefficient. Imagine how Fuu would have explained to Roxas' preschool teacher of his 'secret' problem. Even though, by that time, Roxas had already passed out and many other children had started to weep over his unconscious body.

"Roxas, buy pizzas, now!"

And Fuu had a problem with shouting.

Naminé was bipolar. Quistis was too clever for her own good.

**Problems**, _problems_, problems.

But everyone has at least one problem, right? Like, Roxas could remember that kid he used to know who couldn't drink anything except for champagne, and when he drank that, it had to be up his nose through a very odd looking straw. And that other kid who liked to jump on furniture until it broke.

Man, Fuu had shouted loud that day...

But, this was besides the point as Roxas skipped merrily along the little path leading to the Pizza Store. Signs proclaiming that 'Outlandish _**P**ain_e's **P**ecu_liar_ _**P**i_zzas be **that**-_a_-**way**' told Roxas that 'Outlandish _**P**ain_e's **P**ecu_liar_ _**P**i_zzas' was '**that**-_a_-**way**'.

So, Roxas travelled onwards to the ne'er regions of '**that**-_a_-**way**'.

As soon as he got there, he thought that he must have made a mistake. There were rugs in the window on 'HALF-PRICE OFFER GET 'EM NOW!' It reminded him slightly of Fuu...

He shrugged and walked in. Just because they sold rugs didn't mean that they didn't sell pizzas, too, right? The sign **did** say 'Outlandish _**P**ain_e's **P**ecu_liar_ _**P**i_zzas' along with a few other phrases such as 'So boot-scooterly!' and 'We have hostages!' and 'Wait in a big long queue!'.

To Roxas it seemed a little bit... Outlandish? Peculiar? Both words would have done for him.

The little bell rang above him as he walked in, and immediately people with silly hats and no hats looked up, alike. They watched him as he pressed his lips together and wondered what the hell was going on.

"_Stop staring at me, dammit..._" he hissed under his breath, as a strange looking woman walked up to him. She looked like she was trying very hard to be emo, but failing, so instead she wore a swimming costume, an orange cone on her head, walking a bollard and a lawn along with her (using leashes) and a placard round her neck saying 'I am outlandish.'.

She looked at him critically, before throwing her hands up in the air and proclaiming to the customers and the staff, "HE IS ONE OF US!"

Cheers and applause followed, and Roxas shrank into the corner muttering something sounding a lot like: "But I only wanted a pizza..."

Finally, the cheers died down and no one seemed to care that Roxas was 'one of them'. He breathed a sigh of relief and gingerly walked up to the counter. The room was split into two halves. With a wall separating where the customers sat to where they paid. In the middle of that wall was a big arch so the customers could go and order food.

The place inside there was empty, and Roxas decided that it would be an excellent time to go inside and order a pizza for Fuu. Which also made him decide that Fuu probably didn't even want a pizza; she was just telling him to get one so all this would happen to Roxas.

Roxas walked up to the counter where a blonde, with her back to Roxas, holding a sketchbook high above her head as though she were about to hit someone with it was standing.

"Ahem..." Roxas coughed. The girl spun round and Roxas gaped, "Naminé?" Naminé looked at him as critically as the outlandish woman Roxas now guessed to be 'Paine' did.

"Hello, Roxas." Naminé replied with her candy-like voice. She had left home six months ago as soon as she had turned nineteen, and Roxas hadn't seen her since. He wondered whether Naminé was still in 'I-R-EVIL' mode. Her 'modes' seemed to change from time to time, and the doctor said there was nothing he could do about it.

"Um... this is... odd..."

"Yes, Roxas."

"So..."

"You want a pizza, Roxas?"

"Er... I guess."

"Good. **AXEL**! **LARXENE**! GET THE FRIGGIN' PIZZA INGREDIANTS OUT BEFORE MY BOOK MEETS YOUR **HEAD**!" Roxas blinked. She was still evil. So, how come she even found herself a job? Wait... he was even asking himself that, when he was in a pizza shop named 'Outlandish Paine's Peculiar Pizzas' where a woman took a bollard and a lawn for a walk, and claimed he was one of them. Of _course_ Naminé got a job there! "It's alright, Roxas. Now, you just have to go through to the back."

Roxas shrugged, and decided that if this was the outlandish way to go, then he must go the outlandish way to go.

As they say: When in Outlandish-land, do as Outlandish-landers do.

He walked round to the back and immediately wished he hadn't. Two skinny, older teenagers eyed him suspiciously. One of them, a blonde, poked him suspiciously, "Nami! Who's this?" she cried out. Roxas pressed his lips tightly, and tried to stay as quiet as he could.

"It's my brother, Larxene. And he wants a pizza, will you kindly make one for him?"

Larxene muttered darkly under her breath, and Roxas was sure he could hear snippets of sentences sounding like: "Kill" and "Stab".

But, this was besides the point. The other teenager, a red-head had said nothing so far, and Roxas' hopes rested in him. That was until the older boy actually spoke. "So, blondie."

'_Damn_.'

"What do you want in your pizza?" Suddenly a little tiny Roxas inside of the big Roxas' brain shouted out in its high-pitched voice, 'Stop the presses!' and there was a great hurry as little Roxas's and tiny Roxas's, alike, drove together to stop Roxas' whirring buzzer and just ponder for a moment on whether Fuu actually told him what sort of pizza she wanted.

"Damn."

"Damn? I'm afraid we don't have this 'damn' flavour you speak of. We have squid. And squid. Oh, and squid. But, not 'damn'," sniggered the boy. The girl laughed as well, and Roxas felt an uncontrollable urge to punch one of them. Or both – he wasn't picky. But one would be good enough for him – he wasn't greedy, either.

"Well... Er... What flavours do you have? Apart from squid..." asked the boy, looking up at the tubs of ingredients on the shelves. There were billions of them, and surely not_ all_ of them contained squid.

Right...?

"Well, we've got seaweed."

Oh, so the boxes on the shelves contained squid and seaweed. Woo-hoo. What variety.

"And we've got these weird little fishy things," said the girl, making swimming movements with her hands. "Swimmy little fishy things with their eyes and heads and stuff _still on_!"

"And we've also got cheese and spicy sauce," said the red-head brightly, noticing that Roxas looked displeased with the pizza toppings he'd been told about so far.

"That sounds okay..." said the blond.

"It comes with an extra helping of _squid_!" said the girl.

"What?!"

"Well, if it didn't have squid with it wouldn't make sense to call it 'hot sauce, cheese AND squid pizza!'"

"But you didn't _tell_ me it was hot sauce, cheese AND squid!"

"Oh... It must have slipped my mind," said the red-headed boy who'd recommended the squid-and-hot-sauce pizza.

"Look, do you have anything _normal_?" asked Roxas, sounding desperate.

"Well, we have squid pizza! With absolutely nothing else that might ruin its wholesome, fishy flavour!" said the girl, sounding like a really emo person quoting a really hyper, happy advert. It was _weird_.

"Er... That's not what I had in mind..."

"Well, how about cheese?" the boy asked this time, he and the girl seeming to take it in turns to talk.

"What's in it?"

"Well, why don't we put it this way... Do you like cheese?"

"Yes."

"Do you like tomato sauce?"

"Yes."

"Do you like squid?"

"Er..."

"No pizza goes without a taste of squid!" declared the boy proudly, taking off his hat (that proclaimed he was a follower of 'outlandish Paine') and holding it to his chest.

"Well, I guess I'll have a cheese pizza... It sounds the most normal..." said Roxas, hoping then when he got the pizza back to Fuu she wouldn't notice that tasted a tiny bit different than the other cheese pizzas they were used to eating...

"Alright," said the girl. "One cheese pizza, Outlandish Paine squidy-style comin' up!" She rolled up her sleeves and adjusted her hat, and then shouted: "Axel! MAKE A CHEESE PIZZA FOR THE KID!" So really, the grand display of sleeve-rolling-up-ness had been completely pointless, as the girl with antenna for hair had never planned to go and get the ingredients from the shelf herself.

Axel, the kid with the red porcupine on his head, nodded, and walked over towards a conveyor belt, pressing a few buttons. And, lo and behold, a flat pizza base came trundling along on the now moving piece of machinery, appearing out of a hole in the wall covered with black plastic material.

The red-head got a bottle of tomato sauce and squirted it onto the pizza base and sprinkled some cheese on top.

Roxas sighed in relief – maybe they'd only been joking about the squid thing in an attempt to 'wind him up' and now their little joke had been played out he could collect his squid-free pizza, go home, eat the squid-free pizza and be happy.

"And now, for the finishing touch," declared Axel, taking a dead squid (complete with Xs on it's eyes) out from behind his back or ... somewhere ... with a flourish. He splatted it down on the pizza, sending cheese and tomato sauce flying everywhere, as the dead squid settled down comfortably on its bed of pizza sauce.

_Oh, no, Fuu won't notice a huge dead squid on her cheese pizza. Fuu won't notice at ALL! _Roxas thought, making a mental notation to peel the squid off the pizza the first chance he got. He couldn't do that in the store, no way – it might hurt the outlandish people's feelings and then, in a fit of craziness, they'd chop him up and put a placard up outside the store saying: '_yes, we also sell Roxas pizzas! COMPLETE WITH SQUID!_'.

"Time to speed the conveyor belt up so the kid can obtain his pizza at the other end!" said Larxene, standing in a corner. It was her corner and she would defend it viciously. Last time Xigbar tried to invade her personal space and her corner he had run off, crying, with a scar across his face.

Axel nodded, and pressed a button on the wall. Rather disturbingly, it was a big red button, and you all know what they say about big red buttons.

They all cause trouble.

The pizza went zooming along on the conveyor belt like a rocket getting to be blasted into hyperspace, whirling through the air and hitting Roxas in the face. Roxas fell over with a face full of pizza toppings and a dead squid on his head, as the pizza continued its merry way across the room, hitting the wall.

"SCORE!" cried Larxene, punching a fist in the air. "That's the sixth time this week! So how many points does that put you at?"

"One-hundred-and-four. You're still winning because the last pizza you chucked at a customer knocked their eye out," said Axel glumly. "I was hoping at least that this one would break his leg... Then I'd be ahead of you..."

Larxene cackled. "Heh. Are you alright kid?"

Roxas glared at her through his squid-gut smeared bangs, innards and brains and lungs and stuff scattered around him like confetti. Roxas might take to throwing squids at people on New Year's Day, it was just so _cool_. What with their pungent aroma and weird cross-eyes.

"I was good. Until I got hit by a squid. Now I am bad," muttered Roxas. He got shakily to his feet, looking like a boy that someone had thrown a squid at. Which was odd, because he was a boy who had just been assaulted by a squid.

"You're going to have to pay for that, you know," said Axel lazily.

**pgbek – aera**

**summary: **Roxas meets Axel for the first time at 'Outlandish Paine's Peculiar Pizzas' and gets hit in the face by a squid pizza when the conveyor belt speeds up.

**a/n:** So, here it is. Outlandish Paine's Peculiar Pizzas. We like this story. Alot. Because it makes us laugh. And the inspiration? Thank ClubPenguin and their strange pizza toppings – such as seaweed, prawns, fish (with eyes and stuff) and of course, **squid**. I hope you enjoyed it. Please review or the next outlandish chapter with peculiar events will never come up.

So, push that little purple button and make the world explode. You know you want to try it.


	2. FANGIRLS

Outlandish _**P**__ain_e's **P**ecu_liar_ _**P**__i_zzas

catr - hpe

to - w

**FANGIRLS**

"Quistis, I'd prefer it if you didn't tell me how to fix my own skateboard. I can figure it out by myself!" Quistis sighed and tutted, leaving Roxas to look at his wreck of a skateboard. What had Fuu said? Oh yeah, 'Rai didn't mean to!'. Well, she hadn't exactly said it; she had shouted it. But that wasn't the point.

"By the way, you smell of squid." These were Quistis' parting words as Roxas continued to deal with the broken mess of his dearly beloved skateboard.

"Damn that girl..." muttered Roxas, wishing he could have a normal five-year-old sister, instead of one who knew how to fix his skateboard better than he did. And plus, he wasn't allowed to be mean to her or – dun, dun, duuun – he'll get grounded. Why couldn't she get grounded for being smart, huh?

Why?

Maybe, because if she was grounded for being smart then Roxas could get grounded for passing out, and Naminé could get grounded for having mood-swings, and Olette could get grounded for shaking uncontrollably whenever someone didn't do their homework, and Selphie... yeah.

Maybe that's why she didn't get grounded for being smart.

**pgbek – aera**

"And this, this is your homeroom – it is where you sha-"

"I **know** what a homeroom is, Olette!" Olette merely smiled, and pinched Roxas' cheek.

"Just checking, Roxie," Roxas cringed at his nickname given to him ever since the tender age of now. "So, that's the homeroom, and... um... let's go to the Science Block since it's the closest."

The Science Block happened to be down the hallway from their homeroom, and their homeroom happened to be a Geography room. And, truth be told, there wasn't much excitement in a Geography room. In fact, they thought the subject so 'inutile' as the French would put it, that they had merged the Geography block with the RE and history rooms. Therefore, it was now known as the Geograph Eory Block.

Olette began taking Roxas all around the school, from science to Geograph Eory, from English to Languages, from Maths to... Maths. (Roxas found decided that the Maths Block was too big to just be **one** block, so he sectioned it off into two.) Then they finally reached the last block: the Art and Music one.

By the time they had reached the Maths block, Roxas had a sneaking suspicion that they were being followed. These suspicions proved oh-so-terribly true as they reached the final block. A group of girls had been following them all the way. First, starting off with a couple of giggly girls, which soon multiplied into a great _ocean_ of giggly girls. Roxas slapped his forehead.

"And you'll have 'em _all through High School_!" Olette reminded him. Roxas slapped his forehead again. Maybe he should move again. 'Outlandish Paine's' had been quite enough, but this... this was the last straw. "Hayner has fangirls, too. But not as many..."

"Fangirls! I thought they just wanted to kill me!"

"No, no, these are definitely fangirls – see that crazy look in their eye, as if their out for blood? That's a fangirl trait. And also, see the way they've already got their own Roxas plushies and Roxas shaped cookies. Yep, that's a trait, too."

By this time Roxas was a just a pile of goo on the floor. Olette prodded him a little before shrugging and walking off, leaving the previously-Roxas shaped goo to be attacked by a multitude of hungry fangirls.

Olette sighed and tutted. She guessed that he would be in her 'group' – as it were. He was popular already, and Olette knew that she was popular, well, in a 'popular group'. There were two main popular groups in the year, and everyone wanted to be in them. But neither group would let another soul pass through into their border.

Olette's group consisted of herself, Hayner and Pence. The other group contained Kairi, Sora and Riku. And, even if she had to admit it, the two boys were the hottest out of her year.

But she wasn't going to hold up a fight. Just because Hayner looked a bit... well, gay. And Pence was little overweight didn't mean she didn't love them, nor were they unpopular. And anyway, now Roxas would join them, and they'd be unstoppably popular. Always being chased by mad fangirls and... always being chased by crazy fangirls. Etc..

She wondered when Roxas was going to get up off the floor, and join her again in walking back to the homeroom. She suddenly felt hands on her shoulders and looked back to see Hayner and Pence, carrying a very beaten up looking Roxas. She laughed, and they carried on going to the homeroom.

Once there, she would have to do Geography homework that was in for today.

Damn that Geography...

**pgbek – aera**

**summary:** Roxas is new and Olette shows him round school. He gains a group of fangirls and joins a popular group containing Olette, Hayner and Pence.

**a/n:** Sorry it's so short, guys! But I couldn't think of anything else to do... And besides, that's all that was really needed in that chapter. So, s'all good. Next chapter will be quite long, I can assure you that!

Sorry about lying to you that the world would blow up if you pressed the purple button... I promise that this time, the world really will blow up when you press that little button.


	3. AXEL

Outlandish _**P**__ain_e's **P**ecu_liar_ _**P**__i_zzas

catr - hpe

tre - he

**AXEL**

This Saturday morn Roxas was found up bright and early, with his teeth brushed and hair done and clothes on and breakfast consumed, on his way to the public library.

Back at his old school Roxas would never, ever have gone to a place as 'study-ish- as the library. He detested libraries with a burning passion – they were all old buildings that old people went to, covered in dust and mothballs, and you had to be silent, on pain of DEATH. They all had depressing atmospheres, like nobody went there and nobody cared. Sort of like burnt out houses scheduled for demolition.

But at his old school he was quite good at lessons and never needed to study at the weekends. At his new school he was behind in the work and they were doing completely different things in the subjects and the teachers had different methods they liked children to use.

For instance, in Maths two days ago he'd learned that he'd been doing his multiplication wrong for about ten years, and the teacher would 'not accept' Roxas's methods.

The boy was already doing really badly in about everything, and even though the Headmistress was his aunt (Aerith, who was Olette's mother) he didn't get any special treatment.

Well, he could've joined this sad after-school club for stupid people, but that would've clashed with tennis.

Tennis was the new 'big thing', because the people who invented sports had decided blitzball was getting old. It was a fairly new sport, it had only been around for about three years, and hardly anybody knew how to play it. He used to love it at his old school, and there were about a billion positions free in the school team, he decided to join.

So, to summarize, the work was harder and he got more of it and he didn't understand any of it, and he couldn't go to the club for sad people because then he wouldn't be able to play tennis.

So he had to give up his weekends and study at the library.

The school was specially designed for smart people, and if he got anything lower than a C he would be chucked out, and he might have to go to the school for kids who liked to break things and do drugs and be all cool and 'illegal'.

The boy trudged the library with a heavy heart. He'd much rather be with his new friends at the swimming pool, doing something that didn't involve books and revision and homework.

The library was one of the biggest buildings in Twilight Town, and he guessed it must have looked nice before the brickwork started to breed moss and people threw rocks at it. Now it looked like a huge dump. And, sure enough, there was a sign on it saying it was scheduled to be knocked down and turned into a skate-park.

Cruel fate.

The boy walked up the chewing-gum splattered steps and pushed open the huge, imposing doors, the gold paint splintering off to reveal cheap wood underneath.

He looked around, the sound of cars and children talking being immediately cut off as soon as the doors closed.

It felt like he was trapped inside this strange building of books and shelves and elderly people, and he'd never be able to escape and join civilization outside.

There was a weird woman with too-much make-up and a hat with some horns stuck to it issuing books to a weird person with a sour expression on her face.

She looked up at the sound of the door slamming, put a finger to her lips to indicate 'silence' and then waved her arms around, telling Roxas to sit down, shut up, and do whatever the hell he came here to do.

Roxas nodded, feeling uncomfortable as all these weird nerd-ish people who'd decided to spent their Saturday morning reading stared at him. He made his way to an unoccupied table in the corner behind a bookcase where nobody could see him, and was just about to unpack his textbooks and read over when he noticed somebody...

A red-headed teenager, who was busy putting some books on shelves over by the 'L' section.

And Roxas happened to sought sanctuary over by the 'K' section.

They were right next to each other.

Axel dusted his hands on his pants and turned around, only to find Roxas sat there, his blue eyes large and blinking. His expression clearly read 'oh-shit-it's-_you_' and Axel nodded slightly, a small smirk forming on his lips.

There's only so much you can do in a library – you can arrange the books, you can pester Maleficent over by the desk, you can clean a little bit, you can sit and read and you can irritate customers and drive them out the library in tears.

Axel decided to try the last option.

"Hi, Blondie," whispered Axel – when Maleficent was displeased she liked to throw books at people, and was very good at aiming. She could nail a person in between the eyes with a copy of _Harry Potter_ from fifty feet. "I never did learn what your name is, you know?" he continued, sliding in to the seat next to Roxas. He obviously decided to take his silence as a 'please, sit down' rather than a 'please, fuck off'.

"Roxas..." said the blond, getting his Maths book and his homework out of his bag and opening it, pretending that being near Axel didn't bother him.

Why should he blush when he was near him? After all, the last time he had seen Axel the red-head had thrown a dead squid at him. Hardly romantic. And the stuff that all firm, strong friendships were borne out of. Now, firm, strong rivalry was a different matter...

Roxas remembered back on Destiny Islands when he'd caught a squid by the pier. He'd been so disgusted he had thrown it through the air and it'd hit Alice, and the girl had flounced off in a huff. Ever since then she had been trying to kill him, using all sorts of cruel and inventive schemes.

"Oh. I think I prefer Blondie. It suits you," said Axel, leaning in closer to the blond. "I'm Axel, in case you didn't know. A-X-E-L. Got it memorized?"

"Oh. I think I prefer 'Asshole'. It suits you," growled Roxas, trying to read the text in his book. He really, _really_ needed to figure out how to do that way of multiplying or his teacher would kebab him.

Unfortunately, all he could see was a blur of words. And he blamed Axel.

"That's not very nice. What have I ever done to you?" asked Axel in a pathetic 'I-r-sad' way, leaning in even closer.

"One, you threw a squid at me. Two, you're distracting me and I'm trying to concentrate!" hissed Roxas, as loud as he dared in a library manned by a woman with horns on her head.

"Oh, you're studying... Yeah, Maths is _shit_. But you know, it's easier if you do it like this," said the boy, taking a pen out of his pocket. Which was odd, as he didn't even _have_ a pocket on his outfit.

Within two seconds the boy had completed the first three questions on Roxas's sheet.

"Argh! Stop it!" shouted Roxas.

And that was how, about five seconds later, Roxas found himself on the street with his bag on his head, books around him.

Maleficent sure was a scary woman – she'd heard him talking and had thrown a copy of _the Philosopher's Stone_ at him. Shortly after concussing him she had thrown his lifeless body out onto the street, with a curt warning: '_never_ talk in my library, _betch_'.

Roxas sighed, picked himself and his books and his bag up, and decided to go somewhere else and do his homework.

Somewhere where an annoying red-head wouldn't be.

**pgbek - ****aera**

On his way to the coffee shop, Roxas passed his friends who were on their way to the leisure centre to go swimming. They waved to him, but he just mumbled something about Maths homework and stalked off.

"I guess we'll have to postpone the trip further, guys. My mom'll kill me if we leave Roxas out..." Hayner and Pence nodded their heads, and followed Olette back to the Tram Station.

Roxas thought the best place to go next would be the Coffee Shop considering it was only a few minutes walk away and it should at least be free of any red-heads. But, this was what he was thinking about 9.56 seconds before he crashed into Fuu, his... _beloved_ mother.

"Roxas! Go to the supermarket and get some toilet paper, NOW!"

"I thought we had about 28 rolls..."

"QUISTIS STOLE IT FOR HER EXPERIMENT! Go, NOW!"

Roxas' eye twitched and he turned round to get to the supermarket. Maybe he could do his homework in the safety of the toilet paper aisle...

So, that was why about ten minutes later, Roxas, still stuck on the fourth question, was pondering over whether it would be worth it to just do the Maths how _he_ does it, not how this crazy, obviously **psycho** woman-teacher told him to do it. He wanted to swap the numerator and denominator round then change the divide sign to a times. And then he'd be able to do it like that.

And all would be fine and dandy. But, _no-o-o-o-o_. He had to add the two together, triple it, find the duplicate somewhere in the book, lose the book, find the book, throw it down the toilet, take a piece of paper, make a paper hat, wear the paper hat, and then do the sum. Only whilst doing the tango.

Yeah, Maths is crap.

He sighed, and rested his elbow on the toilet roll pack. Suddenly a hand and pen came swooping down and started writing the answers to all of his sums. Roxas looked up and saw Axel leaning over him, finishing all the complex additions and multiplications and '**IGNORANT USER**' like things before him.

"What are you doing?" he asked, scared to move his head for fear of hitting Axel and breaking him in two.

Axel laughed, and Roxas felt his chest hit him on the head a couple of times. His face contorted into something a lot like '--'.

"I'm doing your homework, because you obviously can't," Axel replied, smugly, "A.k.a. proving what an asshole I am, right?"

Roxas growled. "But, what are you doing **here**, I mean?"

"I'm doing my job!" Axel replied, still scribbling down all the answers for Roxas who was still cowering beneath him. Roxas considered taking a 'Bumper Pack Toilet Roll Pack For All Those Big Parties' and whacking Axel over the head with it. He decided against it however; Axel deserved the 'Bumper Pack Toilet Roll Pack For All Those Even **BIGGER** Parties'.

"What's your job? Annoying me?"

Axel laughed again, "Hilarious joke, funniest thing anyone's said all day. No, my job is here – in the supermarket. I check all the food is alright to eat."

"So, why are you here in the toilet paper aisle?"

"To do my other job. Annoying you."

Roxas growled, and waited impatiently – but without moving – for Axel to finish the sums. When he had, Roxas decided that this was the opportune moment to hit Axel round the head with the 'Bumper Pack Toilet Roll Pack For All Those Even **BIGGER** Parties'. And so it was done.

**pgbek – aera**

Roxas walked out of the supermarket with a spring in his step and a huge pack of toilet rolls in his hand, weighing him down and thus destroying the spring in his step. If he could barely shuffle his feet along under the weight of the toilets rolls then how could he walk along with a _spring in his step_? The idea is laughable.

As he was walking along in the general direction of 'home' so he could put his purchases away he bumped into Hayer, Pence and Olette. Or rather, the toilet rolls bumped into Hayner, Pence and Olette, sending them flying.

"Sorry, guys," Roxas aplogised, dumping the toilet rolls on the floor and helping his friends up. "I didn't mean to hit you..."

"It's alright, Roxas," said Olette, with a smile.

"They're really heavy and I couldn't see where I was going," muttered the boy, glaring at the forsaken toilet rolls that sat on the side-walk. Like a fat woman with many chins, laughing evilly with a 'clear' sign stapled across her face and a bad perm. Knowing that Roxas would have to pick her up again, and resort himself to the humiliation of trudging down the street whilst being crushed. Laughing, laughing and (occasionally) singing.

"Well, if you're a weakling then we'll carry them for you," offered Hayner.

"Okay, if it's no troubl-"

"It's no trouble at all!" Hayner cut him off, slapping him jovially (well, it was probably meant to be jovial, but it hurt quite a bit) on the back and giving a huge, cheesy smile. Its cheesiness was strong enough to break about fifty-three cameras simultaneously. Such was the power of the smile. "Pence, carry Roxas's toilet rolls!"

"But I'm little and stubby and weak!" Pence protested.

"Well, Olette can't carry them because she's a girl. And Roxas can't carry them because he's cool. And I most certainly CAN'T CARRY THEM!"

"Why not?" asked Olette, hand on her hip. "What makes you so 'special'?"

"I can't carry them because if I do my ... er ... Something BAD will happen!" cried Hayner, waving his arms around as he searched for a good excuse.

He failed.

It just goes to show that waving your arms around while you lie does not make the lie more believable. But Hayner could believe whatever little fantasies he had.

Pence shrugged and hoisted the toilet paper on his back (with a mutter of '_prettyboy_').

"So, what are you guys doing?" asked Roxas.

"Well, we were going to swimming pool but it wouldn't be the same without you. But we're going to the cinema now, do you want to come with us?"

"Sure!"

So the four friends made their happy way to the cinema, and their conversations flowed and the air was rife with laughter and gayity.

And then Roxas went up to the counter to order four tickets for _Sunset Horizons_ and saw the guy behind the counter was leering down at him.

Now, it is unpleasant to be leered at by anyone. But it was even more unpleasant for Roxas, because this 'leerer' had red hair and green eyes and looked suspiciously Axel-shaped.

"Hello, Blondie."

Roxas whimpered, clutched his head, muttered '_it's all a bad dream'_ and ran off into the town center like a headless chicken.

Axel just sat there, looking a bit thick.

**pgbek – aera**

Olette and Hayner eventually caught up with Roxas who was curled up in a ball, sitting on one of the many benches littered around Twilight Town. Pence had got caught up by a) his 'less-able-to-run' body and b) he got run over by a tram.

"What's the matter, Roxas?" asked Olette, soothingly. Roxas blinked at her. Nothing was the matter. He just wanted to get away from that red-headed... fool! Somehow. But he had no idea, whatsoever.

"Can we go swimming, now, Olette?" asked Roxas, looking up at her. She grinned.

"I thought you'd never ask!"

So, as they walked through on their way to the leisure center after picking up their swim things, they peeled Pence off the floor and decided never to speak of Axel again. Not that Olette, Pence and Hayner knew who Axel was. Roxas just forced to never speak of him.

And so they never did.

For the rest of that day, anyway.

Once at the leisure centre, Roxas checked he had everything in his bag and walked through the revolving doors. Suddenly, everything felt wrong. Something was missing... Or was there something there that shouldn't have been..?

Roxas' eyes closed to slits, and he scanned the room. Then shrugged, and walking off after Olette and Hayner (Pence was still at the revolving doors).

"Roxas, do you have any munny?" asked Olette. Roxas pulled out his pockets – out fell a bobble, a nail, a 20 munny piece and some squishy looking Euros. "Roxas, why do you have a bobble in your pocket?" Olette asked, taking the munny from the floor so she could give it to the assistant at the desk. Roxas blinked. He remembered, oh, he remembered, but he was never going to tell the likes of Olette, or anyone else for that matter.

Hayner showed the assistant his, Olette's and Pence's pass, and Olette asked to get a new pass for Roxas.

"That'll be 10 munny for a year, please." The assistant looked at the four wistfully, as though making sure they weren't thieves who were going to pull out a gun any second now, and he'd have to tell the media that the 'gun _looked_ real but I didn't want to really find out whether it was or not' in a very Northern English way.

Roxas obtained his pass, and he could hear a little jingle following the moment he held his hand out and the pass was placed in his hand.

Olette went in the direction of the girls' changing rooms and Roxas headed with Hayner and Pence to the mens'.

In Destiny Islands leisure centre, the changing rooms were different – they actually had cubicles. This was not to be in the Twilight Town ones, however. These rooms (why they call them 'rooms' when it's merely one big one) was just a big open space with a bench running along a huge niche in the wall.

_Dammit..._

Hayner and Pence started to get undressed, and Roxas blushed as they were talking together about normal things. While they got **undressed**. It disturbed him slightly.

But, nonetheless, Roxas got changed (in the toilets) and made his way into the room with the swimming pool. The pool was large, and had a multitude of slides, slides and... slides. It was all Roxas could see really. Apart from a slight tinge of the unnatural bluey-blue of the water every now and then. The kiddie pool wasn't as scary; there were less slides, and the **one** they had was a short greeny plastic one.

It looked more fun that some of the slides in the big pool, though.

Roxas gulped and saw Olette waving to him on the other side of the pool. She jumped in the water and swam over.

"Coming in, you guys?" she asked, grinning like a Cheshire Cat. Roxas raised his eyebrow. He didn't know she liked swimming so much, sure, she had known he did, but not vice versa. As previously stated.

"Sure," came Hayner's reply as he sat down and slipped into the water. Pence did the same, but a bit more clumsily. "Coming, Roxas?"

Roxas looked around, and paused. _Woah..._ was all his brain could muster.

Axel was sitting look-out on one of those **huge** seats which went right up to Heaven so the lifeguard could watch all the people swim and make fools of themselves. But, because it went up to Heaven, apart from the wars, the earth was just a bit of a blur.

Roxas' eye twitched, and he shook his head, "No, I'm going, see ya later, guys."

Olette pouted, "My mom is so gonna kill me!"

**pgbek – aera**

The blond stalked about in the local park, watching as weird people jogged along listening to MP3 players and little children fell off climbing frames and started crying and romantic couples sat in each other's arms on park-benches and fed sea-salt ice-cream to each other.

No way was this happening.

It was like Roxas had been _cursed_. Or like it had been foretold in the stars that, as soon as Roxas moved, he would acquire a stalker.

Everywhere he went Axel followed, like a stray puppy following a little kid to the corners of the earth and back, just because they stroked it once and gave it a chocolate biscuit.

Even though it is not advisable to give chocolate to dogs, because chocolate and dogs mix as well as poison and people – A.K.A the dog's stomach will go all funky and it will die.

Maybe letting Axel sit next to him at the library and do his homework was similar to giving a stupid a dog a stick. It would go and catch the stick and then it would keep chasing you until you took the stick and threw it again.

His relationship with Axel was like that, only minus the stick.

And ... Axel wasn't a dog, either...

But apart from those minor details...

Roxas growled and kicked at a climbing wall children were ... well, for lack of a better verb, _clambering_ on. However, it was a climbing wall, so they were proving how stupid the youth of today are.

Roxas could imagine a crazy, Maleficent-type women running up to them with a stack of books ready to throw, shouting: _'it's a climbing wall so CLIMB, CLIMB DAMN YOU!_'. And then she would throw the books and it would hurt.

Well, at least Axel wasn't here in the park with him...

Nope, there were just the silly clambering children (_CLIMB, DAMN YOU!_), Peculiar Paine who was taking her bollard and her lawn out for a walk (_I walk a lawn, I walk a lawn...)_, the weird couples who were trying to feed each other ice-cream (and only ended up smearing it on their faces and stabbing their partner's eyes out with the pointy cones), people running and cycling (insert witty bracketed comment here) and a red-head walking a yellow dog.

Yep, there defiantly no sign of Axel here.

Apart from the red-head, who was now grinning broadly and running towards him, succeeding only in tangling himself up in the dog's lead. As he fell to the floor shouting something about '_I'll get you for this, PLUTO!' _the dog barked, obviously thinking this was a 'fun game'.

The dog barked a bit more and then bounded away into the horizon with the Axel-like person trailing along behind him.

Roxas sighed.

At least Axel hadn't got him this time...

And then he turned around and the REAL Axel was behind him, grinning broadly... Just like the Axel-look-a-like.

"Axel, you have a doppelganger."

"No, that's my brother, Reno."

"Oh... What's he doing?"

"Taking the dog I have to walk for a walk. Or letting the dog I have to walk take him for a walk. Either way is fine," said the red-head with a shrug. "I'm meant to walk Pluto but then I saw you and I was like '_Reno, I'll give you fifty munny if you'll walk the dog_ so _I can talk to Blondie_' and now he's probably regretting he agreed... I don't think Pluto likes him very much."

"Oh..." Roxas said again, scratching his head and feeling very odd. Why was Axel here? _Here_, of all places? Why wasn't he in Reno's shoes being dragged away in the general direction of the main motorway? Why wasn't he under a bus? WHY, DAMNIT?!

"You don't really want me under a _bus_ do you, Blondie?" asked Axel, looking down at Roxas.

"I didn't say that out-loud, did I?" asked Roxas, feeling a bit embarrassed.

"Nope. But I now that you were thinking it!" trilled Axel in a sing-song voice.

"Damn. I really hate you."

"That's a s-"

"AXEL!!!! SAAAAAAVEEEEEEEEEEEEE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" screamed Reno, as he skidded past in the general direction of the airport. Roxas noted, with mild fascination, that Reno now had a load of tyre-marks on his face and smelt of petrol and road-kill.

Axel turned to look at Reno and swore.

"Sorry, Roxas, I'm going to have to go and rescue Reno... I'll see you in a bit, okay?"

Roxas nodded, having no doubt that he would see Axel in a bit.

Maybe dragging a corpse along behind him.

A corpse called 'Reno'.

**pgbek – aera**

Roxas sat in the Coffee Shop, scribbling down random words on one of those napkins with one of those crappy Lotto pens. He was ... eagerly awaiting the arrival of Axel. So, where was he? Or maybe... maybe Reno died so Axel had to call in sick.

Oh, the drama.

Roxas looked at his latest update to what he called 'Roxas' pape- napkin of words', he had written 'stalker' and just above that 'Axel'.

Roxas cackled. His brain was right for once. Or so he thought. Roxas sighed, and ordered another Coke. Axel didn't seem to be coming. Maybe, he didn't work here, or had lost Roxas when had had to go after Reno... Maybe, Axel was wrong and he really would never see Roxas again.

The waitress came back again with his Coke, she eyed him in his stall, and saw the napkin he was scribbling on. She laughed, "Axel? Stalker? Now, that makes a lot of sense!"

Roxas looked up and met the eyes of a kind looking woman. She looked about thirty-ish with black hair and brown eyes. Roxas made a mental note to remind his mental notes not to mention about any further down than her neck.

"So, how do you know my Axel, then?" the woman asked, Roxas blinked. _Her_ Axel? What did she mean by _her_ Axel? Wasn't she a bit too old to be...

"Well... he sort of threw a squid in my face."

"Ah, I see. Well, that's Axel for ya!" Roxas mumbled something unintelligent in reply, "Well, I'll be leaving, now, I'll give Axel your best regards, kid. Hey, or maybe you can give them to him, now. Hey, Axie! Over here!"

Roxas got up and ran.

Something was wrong with him; why did he wait for Axel at the Coffee Shop, then run away when the red-head came. It was stupid, reminding him of vague memories when his Naminé used to tell Roxas to wait with her for her crush when they were really little, and then when her crush came along, she would squeal and run away. And now, she was engaged to him.

Roxas felt really sorry for Demyx. Really, really sorry. But, he had been the one who had asked her, so... maybe, Roxas didn't feel so sorry after all...

He could remember when Naminé had told Roxas that they were going out. Roxas was swimming and she had just run through the boys' changing rooms and jumped into the pool, despite the fact that she had been wearing normal clothes and the pool wardens were 'warning you!'.

She had been happy that day. And Roxas had been happy, too. But then she turned evil, and they all knew that she had a problem, too.

And that day when she did turn evil, Roxas passed out, and Quistis was born.

And on the same day Selphie was able to get out.

Just for a little while. To see her new baby cousin. Then she was locked up again.

Roxas could remember Marluxia complaining about how it had just been _murder_ in the aeroplane over to Destiny Islands. And Fuu had shouted him to, "Take the next trip by boat, then – they're much more understanding!"

And Marluxia nodded, then later forgot. But Roxas didn't forget, how could Roxas forget a momentous day like that? Every word they had said, the exact moments they had arrived, left, moved. Everything was crystal clear on that day.

But still one thing remained: who was his father?

Did he have the same father as Naminé or Quistis?

Was Rai his father? He doubted that a lot – Rai was stupid, and he was not. Or maybe he was, because according to his school he was stupid and needed to boost his grades and 'learn how to do Maths, **dammit**!'. That reminded him, he still didn't know how to do the Maths work. Damn that Axel...

But going back to his rant about his father. It can't have been Rai, because Fuu had never ever been his 'girlfriend' or 'wife' or anything of the sort to him.

And he had brown hair, can't forget that...

No, no. Can't forget that.

**pgbek – aera**

Roxas sighed and kicked at a stone that was lying conveniently underneath his trainer.

Why had he waited for Axel at the coffee shop and then ran away?

He was meant to _hate_ Axel and be _annoyed_ when he randomly showed up from behind loo rolls/book shelves/stuff with a witty comment and a 'Roxie' already forming on the tip of his tongue.

He really didn't know where Axel would appear next. It was like a guessing game you sometimes see in magazines – count the Axels in the picture and win a grand prize! Guess where Roxas will go next to win a consolation prize!

And, if you guessed 'Outlandish _**P**__ain_e's **P**ecu_liar_ _**P**__i_zzas' then you'd be one hundred percent right, and I hope you like the MP3 player you've just won!

The boy opened the door and entered the place where he had first met Axel. The place where this craziness had all started.

There was Peculiar Paine, stroking her bollard and trying to feed her lawn some fertilizer (a healthy alternative to dog-food!).

Naminé was in the corner whacking two poor, defenseless boys with her sketchbook and shouting things about '_SQUID_' and '_VERY ASHAMED OF YOU_' and '_I DON'T CARE IF YOU GAVE HER A SQUID-FREE PIZZA EVEN IF IT WAS HER BIRTHDAY!_'

Apparently, it was some sort of 'law' in the pizza store – you **must** put at least one dead squid on every pizza! And if you didn't then you'd have to pay the consequences...

A sketchbook in the face.

Why did people in Twilight Town like throwing books at people so much?

"HiguyssorryI'mlate!" cried Axel, bursting very dramatically into the room. Of course, it could have been even more dramatic if he'd walked through the wall, but then that would hurt. "ThismooglestolemywalletandIhadtochaseitandthenitbitmeandIwaslike'cra' – Hi, Roxas... LOOK AT MY HAND!"

Roxas backed away slowly as the red-head shoved an equally-red hand in his face, covered with scratch-marks and bite-marks.

"Er, Axel... I thought you had _four_ fingers..."

"Yes. And then I ran into a moogle," said Axel darkly. "At least I got my wallet! Well, actually, I didn't... The moogles ate it..."

"Moogles... The silent killer..." said the brunet boy darkly from the corner, rubbing his head where Naminé had hit him.

"Sora, you _have_ a pet moogle."

"I know. But I only have a pet moogle so I can watch in amusement when the postman runs away. Screaming!"

Larxene stuck her head out from the weird room at the back where Roxas got hit by a squid. "Hey! I didn't know you were a sadist!"

"I'm not. I just like my moogle a lot. And, as moogle food is expensive, I figured he might as well ... Eat the postmen?"

Roxas felt happy...

For, when Outlandish Paine had proclaimed he was 'one of them' he had not known, at the time, that it was great thing. He was just so happy to be with this group of crazy people, people who accepted him, like Hayner, Olette and P...

Didn't Pence still have his toilets rolls?

"HAYNER! PENCE! OLETTE! I HATE YOU! Buuuuuuttttttt mostly Pence," said Roxas, running out of the store to steal his toilet rolls back off Pence.

Paine smiled in the background.

"You really _are_ one of us!"

**pgbek – aera**

**summary:** Roxas finds out that he can go to an awful lot of places in one day.

**a/n:** I think Paine is funny because she's so OOC. You all probably disagree, don't you? Eh well... I like it... -insert crazy face here- While Skitts was writing her parts, she kept looking back at me worriedly. I mean, I was only playing with my favourite Winnie the Pooh teddy, and giggling maniacally while doing so, maybe trying to set fire to him... But, what's so bad about that, eh?

I'm sorry for lying to you in the past two chapters about how the world will explode. I am really sorry. But this time I'll tell the truth: once you press that button, an egg will fall from the sky and hit you on the head because your roof/ceiling conveniently decided it was getting too fat and went for a little jog round the town. There, see, I told you – NO LYING THIS TIME.

And, as Hevvy rightly pointed it out, it's not purple. It's grey.

Happy reviewing!


	4. STALKER

Outlandish _**P**__ain_e's **P**ecu_liar_ _**P**__i_zzas

catr - hpe

fu - or

**STALKER**

Roxas lay in bed and thought. He thought about that plushie under the bed. He thought about that pen with no ink in it. He thought about how if black made people look skinnier, what was so bad about having rotten teeth? But, most of all he thought about Axel.

Everywhere Roxas had been, Axel had been there, too. Sure, he had a cover-up – his 'jobs'. Pfft. Who has that many jobs? Seriously. Especially ones that all too happily revolved around Roxas. It made no sense...

Roxas turned over, and sighed. His window was half open, it was early September and therefore, it was too warm to have it closed. He had thin sheets and just dressed in his boxers.

His brain whirred as he tried to think of an explanation to Axel being there all the time, when mere seconds ago he had been in a different outfit and a completely different place.

His whirring brain seemed to be melting in the heat, and Roxas felt like just falling asleep, but just couldn't manage because of the thick early September temperature.

His head was starting to hurt really bad, now, and Roxas decided he would never work out what the hell Axel was doing following Rox-

**pgbek – aera**

"Mom! Mommy!"

"What is it, darling?"

"I heard someone screaming!"

"I'm sure it was nothing, now, get back to bed."

**pgbek – aera**

"Olette, I swear – he's _stalking _me!" cried the blond, looking down at his hands. He fiddled about with one of the needless finger-bands (and no, it wasn't a _ring_, despite what Quistis often remarked in a mocking voice) and looked down at the floor.

"Now Roxas, Axel is a responsible boy," Olette said in her sweet, sugar and strawberries like voice, working on her homework.

Roxas snorted at that statement – _Axel is a responsible boy._ So responsible that he throws fucking squids at people. It was probably a breach of health and safety, throwing sea-food at unsuspecting boys...

"And I'm sure he has better things to do than stalk you. Like, I don't know, doing his homework."

The girl was still talking pleasantly but there was a sharp undercurrent in her voice. It was a bit like the sea – it may look calm and peaceful but powerful undercurrents are always present, ready to suck you under and batter you about a bit.

"Olette, I'm sure he's stalking me! It's the _only_ logical ex-"

"Roxas!" Olette's voice was now sharp, as she finished up another piece of her homework. Roxas hadn't started his... "I'm sure he has better things to do! And you have better things to do, too. Like **doing your homework**!"

Oh yeah. You could tell Olette was Roxas's cousin, alright. She had a mad obsession with homework.

"But, Olette-"

"No, Roxas! I don't want you over at my house bugging me about trivial matters! Now go home and **do your homework** otherwise I'll tell my mom about your slack standards! You don't want to be expelled now, do you?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Then go home and **do your homework**!" screamed the brunette, throwing her History book at the boy.

It was hard-back and it hurt quite a bit.

"Alright! Alright! I'm going!" Roxas cried out in defeat, scuttling back out of the room. There was no point arguing with her when homework was involved. It would be painful to stick around – especially as Olette had all her schoolbooks in reach.

And that compass in her pencil case.

**pgbek – aera**

Roxas kicked a can of Coke that had been littering the ground along with other items of trash. He wondered where Axel was. Maybe Olette was right and Axel really did have better things to do, and maybe he wasn't stalking Roxas.

"Hi blondie!" Or maybe he didn't...

"Hi Axel."

"Not talkative today, huh? Ah well, I've gotta run, now. See ya!"

Roxas furrowed his brow. Who could he talk to about this? He wasn't going to tell Hayner or Pence because they'd just laugh, or cringe, or both. Imagine that, a boy being stalked by a boy. That would mean he was (shock, shame, horror) **gay**!

Roxas snorted. Back at Destiny, there had been countless gay people, so he wasn't so shocked about it. But, he knew for a fact that in Twilight Town, there were a grand total of none.

Not that Roxas was gay himself, he just knew a lot of people that were. In fact, his best friend's dad, Cloud, had been gay. But, just not bothered to tell his wife. Which was a stupid mistake because when his wife found out, she was all for it, and hooked Cloud up with countless people. While still being married to him.

So, Roxas wasn't really that bothered about stuff like that.

But, he just knew that Hayner and Pence would be.

Eventually, after much kicking of Coke cans Roxas finally decided that he should go and ask Naminé what he should do.

So, for the second time in two days, Roxas walked into the hell known as 'Outlandish _**P**__ain_e's **P**ecu_liar_ _**P**__i_zzas'. Inside, the smell of squid made Roxas do a double take. Maybe he should leave the place alone. He couldn't remember it being so... stinky! But, maybe he had been more taken aback by the outlandish-ness of it all.

He could hear Naminé's soft voice calling him, "Roxas? Roxas, do you want anything?"

He walked outside, took a deep breath and walked back in, "Naminé! Could you help me, please?" She gestured for him to come to the table she was sat at. Next to her was her fiancé, Demyx. "Hi Demyx..."

"Hey Roxas," came Demyx's reply as he peeled off all the squids on his pizza.

"So, Roxas, what is it you want help with?" asked Naminé. She seemed to have calmed down and was being nice again. Although, her sketchbook was perched rather precariously off the edge of the table, and her fingers were gripping the sides intently. Just a flick of the wrist and Roxas would have a serious bruise on his forehead.

"Um... well... there's this... er... **girl** and she won't stop following me. She's everywhere! All at once! I swear! And I think she's stalking me, so I don't know what to do... can you help me?"

Naminé looked down at her sketchbook, then over to Demyx, then to her sketchbook. She looked as if she were wondering what he was doing there. Roxas tapped his foot, impatiently, expecting Axel to jump out at him screaming, "HELLOROXASITOLDYOUTHATI'DSEEYOUHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Finally Naminé came to a conclusion, "Roxas, stand very still."

Roxas' eye twitched. _Oh crap_.

The sketchbook came flying down on Roxas' head like a sketchbook flying down on a poor defenseless blond's head. He teetered on his feet for a bit, before lifting his face up to see Naminé and Demyx having an interesting conversation about tacos.

"Thanks... Nammy..." Roxas breathed, regaining his balance.

**pgbek – aera**

Roxas sighed, as he made his way along the streets of Twilight Town. His head hurt where Olette had chucked a textbook at him and where Naminé had chucked a sketchbook at him.

Seriously, what was _with_ the inhabitants of Twilight Town and books? They never seemed to use the page-filled, leather-bound tomes for reading. They used them as ammunition and weapons instead.

At Destiny Islands nobody ever tried to concuss you with learning material. Sure, it was perfectly normal to get a few teeth knocked out by coconuts, but not _books_.

Not wanting to run the risk of having another book thrown at him, Roxas had decided to seek out Axel and ask him in person.

He wasn't really planning out where he was walking, or thinking up a clever plan to figure out the whereabouts of the red-head. He knew that he'd accidentally run in to the red-head pretty soon, so there was little point in looking. Axel seemed to be everywhere, after all.

Sure enough, after a few minutes of walking, he happened upon a store in Market Street called '_Jessie's Accessories_'. It was a small building with yellow brickwork and a flashing sign hanging on the roof telling everybody its name. Quite cute, really.

And inside the store, behind the counter, was Axel. In all his red-hair-ded-ness glory.

"So, is your _real_ name Jessie, then?" Roxas asked sarcastically, walking up to him.

"Well, I was hoping you'd find out my true identity or gender but ... Oh well ... I guess my cover's blown now, isn't it? I'll never be able to live a normal life again," replied Axel, a smile on his face.

"So, who _is_ Jessie?"

It was nice to make conversation before asking questions that would undoubtedly end up with Axel storming off like a girl after a cat-fight, shouting that he '_never wanted to be Axel's friend again!_'

Alice did that back at Destiny Islands. Right after Roxas threw that squid at her.

"She's the girl who owns the store, but she's sick. So I'm taking her place."

"Oh... Right... So... Er..." Roxas truly had no idea how to jump from the subject of Jessie to the subject of '_are you stalking me?_'. So, he figured he had to use all his brains and all his cunning to make the topic change as smooth and subtle as it could be...

"So... Are you stalking me?"

Woah. That was_ really_ subtle.

Roxas gave himself a mental pat on the back.

So subtle that Axel stopped doing whatever the hell he had been doing previously to stare at Roxas, A.K.A about as subtle as an elephant charging into your house, whilst you're watching blitzball on TV, singing the national anthem.

"Stupid boy. I'm not _stalking_ you. I'm just doing my job!"

"Which is ... stalking me?" Roxas prompted.

"Nah, you're not up to my standards, kid. I do loads of odd-jobs around town!"

"Oh. Well, I guess I'll see you later. I think..."

And with that, Roxas walked off, feeling a little (just a teensy-weensy lickle bit) annoyed.

He wasn't _good enough_ to stalk, was he?

Well, he'd show Axel.

Maybe...

If he could be bothered.

**pgbek – aera**

**summary:** Roxas starts to think that Axel is stalking him so he talks to Olette about it but Olette just tells him to do his homework and he doesn't want to ask Hayner or Pence because it would be awkward. So he asks Naminé but she just hits him round the head with a sketchbook. So when he goes to Jessie's Accessory Shop ad sees Axel there he asks him whether he's been stalking him. It turns out that Axel just does a lot of odd-jobs around town.

**a/n:** So, how was it, EH? EHHHHHH? We know we said there'd be fluff in it – that's in the next chapter (x3), I proooomiiise! So... not much else to say... except for 'Yes, Naminé is engaged to Demyx but you should already know!'.

Heh... heh heh.

And we have discovered that the button is **actually** Riku coloured. /tuts/ And we were going round calling it grey, and purple, and oh-dearie-me. The idea is laughable.


	5. SELPHIE

Outlandish _**P**__ain_e's **P**ecu_liar_ _**P**__i_zzas

catr - hpe

fv - ie

**SELPHIE**

Axel yawned, and hitched his bag strap further up his shoulder. When working with Selphie, supplies were **essential**. He carried on his way, and checked his watch: **10:46**. She also made him wake up early.

Once he reached the door to the house, he knocked on it nervously; if Selphie opened the door, all hell would be let loose. If Marluxia opened the door, Axel would be feeling queasy all day, if Olette opened the door, Axel would start to want to do his homework, and if Aerith opened the door, Axel would feel intimidated by his old headteacher.

So, really, there was no winning.

"Hello, can I help you?" came a voice from inside. Axel looked down to see a little girl about five or six with glasses on and her blonde hair in a neat bun. She looked awfully smart.

"Er... yeah, I'm here to look after Selphie?" Axel replied, wondering who the hell she was. She did look vaguely familiar though...

"Oh, you're the babysitter, I presume? Come right in."

Axel followed the little girl sheepishly, and kept his bag in front of him as if nasty foreigners/tourists would come and steal something from him. The little girl led him to the front room where two families were sitting round a coffee table, drinking what looked like tea. _So_, Axel asked himself, _Why were they round a coffee table? _

He knew one of the families, Aerith, Marluxia, Olette, and Selphie was probably upstairs in her room (which was also probably locked).

But looking around, he realised he knew a couple of the other family. Naminé was sitting drinking from a china mug, and drawing Axel walking in on her sketchbook, and Roxas (who had yet to notice the older boy) was playing with Olette in the corner, drinking fruit juice from a Sesame Street cup.

"Er... hi, is she upstairs?" Aerith nodded, and Axel turned round to go and see Selphie. He took a key from the pile of keys stacked on the table outside the front door and headed upstairs, his bag still safe under one arm. He could hear two sets of pattering feet behind him, and when he turned round, Olette and Roxas were hot on his tail. Not that he had a tail.

"Hi, _Axel_," came Olette's teasing voice. Roxas merely blushed.

"Hi, _Olette_, you don't usually come watch me play with Selphie," he remarked, using the same teasing voice she had. Olette giggled, and placed both hands on her hips.

"Well, today I thought I would, seen as my cousins are here – you've seen more of Selphie, my very own _sister_, than Roxas has!"

"Roxas is your cousin?"

"Yep, and he's my **favourite**! Aren't you Roxas?"

Roxas rubbed the back of his head, and laughed nervously.

"So, are we going to see Selphie or what? She's been _dying_ to see you Axel!"

Axel laughed, and nodded, placing the key inside the keyhole to the infamous door containing the infamous Selphie.

The room was dark, and quiet, all that could be heard were the red-head's, the brunette's and the blond's deep breaths as they climbed into the room. There was no sign of Selphie however as the dark depths of her room seemed to never stop. Axel flicked the light switch by the side of him, and suddenly the room was brought to life.

Plushies and milk cartons (turned into creatures of an odd variety, with pipe cleaner hands and googly eyes) and all sorts of strange, colourful things.

"Woah..." Roxas breathed as his eyes were blinded by the colour and life in the room. Suddenly there was a crash and a squeal as Selphie appeared from under her bed. She was about seventeen and was never usually allowed to step one foot out of her room, let alone her house. They only let her out on special occasions when family were getting married, or when Uncle Ansem got yet another year older, but they stopped her from going to that too as she offended him terribly last year, claiming that he was too old to live.

Not that stopping her from going to them anymore made a difference. He died the next day; he really was **too old to live**.

"Axeeeeel, I missed you!" came her greeting, as Axel felt warm arms wrap round his waist and her head hit his chest.

"Hey Selph," Axel replied, peeling her off him. Roxas looked at Selphie and waved. She bounded up to him and gave him an overly friendly hug, too. "So, what do you wanna do today? We've got Olette and Roxas, too!"

Selphie sat down on the ground, and she pondered the vast amount of games and activities the four could do together. A finger was placed on her lower lip as she contemplated everything.

Meanwhile, Axel, Olette and Roxas watched her as she wondered.

Eventually, after about twelve minutes, the girl came up with a conclusion.

"Let's play 'Moms and Dads'!" she exclaimed, throwing her long, pale arms in the air. Axel hadn't played this with Selphie before, but then again 'before' there had only been the two of them, and not Olette and Roxas to become her dolls too.

"Okay! So, who's who, Selph?" asked Axel, walking over to her. She pointed at Roxas.

"You! You are the mommy!"

Roxas gulped. _The hell?_ _I don't look like a __girl__! And besides, shouldn't __**she**__ be the mommy? She's older than me!_

She looked at Axel adoringly, "And you're the daddy, Axie!"

Axel shrugged; she was boss.

"And you, Olettey, are my _little_ sister! 'Kay?"

Olette blinked, "But I am your little sister..." Selphie laughed and her eye glimmered evilly.

"I know, but I haven't seen you for _ageeees_ so how do I know you're not just an imposter who **looks** like my real little sister?"

That was why Olette never went to see Selphie, her older sister made her feel small and evil as her life was being lived comfortably with the whole world out there, and her friends whereas Selphie was stuck in a room with a few box monsters and an aisle of plushies.

Selphie grinned and flopped back on her bed, "Axeel, do something then!"

Axel grunted, "Oh, er... hello, _daughter_," Selphie giggled, "What do you want for dinner, tonight? Then I can tell mommy and she'll make it for you," Axel winked at Roxas, and Roxas buried his head in his hands.

Olette fumed and threw a pillow from the floor at Axel, "Sexissst! Us girls don't just make food and stuff, do we, Roxas?"

Roxas twitched. _**Us**__ girls...?_

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry, my darling daughter-" Selphie screeched.

"You didn't call me your _darling_ daughter!" she exclaimed, sitting upright. Axel grinned.

"That's because you're even specialer!" he cried, tickling her under the chin. She giggled, and flopped back down on the bed. "So, other daughter, I'm very sorry – how about **I** do the cooking tonight, just to make up for my silly mistake?"

Olette growled, "If you must."

Axel pulled Roxas off the floor from which the boy had previously flopped against, staring at the plastic stick-on stars on Selphie's ceiling, after Olette's '_us girls_' comment.

"Come on, Roxanne-"

_Oh, great. 'Us girls', 'Roxanne'. They might as well castrate me and declare me a 'lovely lady' right now!_ That train of inner thought went trundling around 'Roxanne's' head, crashing into things and resulting in a big explosion. _I'M NOT A GIRL!_

"-let's go and find some ingredients to make food. What do you want, Selphie, darling?" asked Axel, as Roxanne who was now sitting up trapped between his arms. It would have looked cute, if Roxanne hadn't been trying desperately to get away from his death-grip, that was slowly cutting off her circulation and turning her face a very attractive shade of blue.

And yes, for the duration of this game dictated by the evil Selphie we will refer to Roxas in the more feminine way, because that is how Selphie said you must address him (her), so it must be done.

Going against Selphie's wishes always results in a two-hour tantrum followed by a lot of tears and plushies, thrown roughly though the air in the general direction of your head.

Selphie was a _special_ seventeen year old girl, after all. Special enough to be locked away in her room 24/7.

"Hmn... I want ... _PASTA_!!!!!!!" cried Selphie.

"Well, if our darling daughter wants pasta then we'll have to get her pasta, right? Roxanne?" Axel asked the blond girl who was trapped in his grasp, dying slowly of suffocation.

Axel's arms may have been skinny as sticks but he sure had a firm grip.

"Y-Y-Ye-ahhh..." Roxanne choked. "A-Axel... Pl-ll-ea-ssss-e get _off_ m-m-eeee!"

"Oh. Sorry, honey," Axel smirked, releasing his 'lovely wife' from his hug/strangle-hold. "So, are we going to go and find pasta?"

"Sure..." Roxanne said, her once-blue face now bright red. She felt _really_ uncomfortable being called 'honey'. Especially by somebody of the same (opposite) sex. "You _bastard_," she decided to add under her breath, quietly enough that Olette and Selphie couldn't hear as they were over by the bed, but not so quietly that Axel couldn't hear.

"You only say that 'cause you _like_ it," taunted the red-head, staggering around Selphie's room, dragging Roxanne along behind him. Occasionally they stumbled as they attempted to scale Mt. Everests (in plushie version) but they eventually made it, to the far-flung corners of the room.

Roxanne tripped up over a particularly vicious sock puppet, straight into her 'husband's' arms.

_Gah! Even the damn plushies are trying to set me up with Axel and they're not even alive! Even the inanimate objects are against me!_

Roxanne stared up into Axel's eyes and pushed him away, grabbing a blue box full of plasticine.

The two started to make splotchy blue and pink pasta-like shapes with the plastecine, carrying it back to a now bickering Selphie and Olette, who were arguing about who Axel loved most.

"Don't be stupid, girls. I love you all the most! You-" here Axel placed a plate full of 'pasta' in front of Selphie, "-you-" and here Axel gave Olette her 'pasta', "-and you."

Axel had run out of plates of pasta to give, so he settled for kissing Roxanne on the cheek instead.

Roxanne blushed, her cheek burning. Selphie laughed and mimed eating her 'food' (Axel had warned her ages back never, never, _never_ to eat plasticine. She had before and it had resulted in about half an hour of projectile vomiting) and Olette tilted her head, cooing like a pigeon.

"How cute..." she said, making Roxanne blush even more.

"It's not cute, silly girl! It's icky! It's always icky when your parents _kiss_!" squealed Selphie, poking Olette and pulling at her hair.

Roxas wasn't sure, though.

He wasn't sure if it was a game anymore.

And thus, that is why we are now allowed to use the correct spelling of his name and the correct pronouns. Because, even though Selphie was still convinced it was a fun game of 'mommies and daddies' Roxas wasn't sure.

He really wasn't sure.

Olette pretended to eat her plasticine, poking at the greeny-bluey-pinky-reddy-oragney mush of colours. She was still cooing over Axel and (the newly dubbed) Roxas, hoping they'd do something else she could squeal over in a fangirl-like way.

She'd be having sweet dreams tonight...

And so the game continued in the badly-planned out way all games invented by little girls (and big girls with 'problems') do.

They watched TV and got a puppy and did all kinds of fun things, Roxas seething and wishing he could hurt Axel. The red-head was using every opportunity he could find to hug him or give him a peck on the cheek or call him that stupid, stupid name!

"I know! Why don't we go on _HOLIDAY_!" shouted Selphie from the floor, rolling about in a sea of plushies. A sea of sewn-together faces and flapping arms and cotton hair. It was a truly amazing room.

"Yeah! Holi-day! Holi-day!" Olette chanted, Selphie joining in, both of them punching their fists in the air simultaneously.

"It could be fun, right?" asked Axel, whispering in Roxas's ear.

The boy jumped and turned around, coming face-to-face with Axel. He was smirking like a Halloween pumpkin, looking quite smug. Almost like he'd won an undeclared contest or something. Maybe the contest was 'piss off Roxas in the shortest time possible', because if it was then he'd have the gold medal. And Selphie would have the silver, for even suggesting they played that stupid game in the first place!

"How the hell did you get behind me?" asked Roxas, scooting away from his 'husband'.

"Magic," replied Axel, sticking his tongue out.

"Can we go on holiday?!" screamed Selphie and Olette again, combining their loud voices, working in tandem.

And so the happy family ended up going to Florida, A.K.A yet another corner of Selphie's room... Selphie's amazing room that defied all laws of physics, as it appeared to have about five-hundred sides despite the fact it was square shaped.

"Can we go _swimming_? Can we? Can we?!" requested the girls, jumping up and down. "Mommy? Can we?!"

Roxas knew they only wanted to run off to (yet _another_) corner of Selphie's (_magical_) room, and would only be a few feet away from him and Axel. But still, he didn't want them to leave. He didn't want to be alone with Axel and the plushies. The boy _scared_ him and did something weird to his stomach every time he touched him.

Yes, that was it – he was allergic to Axel and if he had him in large doses than he'd be sick.

"Sure. Go swimming," Axel said, waving his arm around the plushie-strewn room.

"You're not _mommy_! We asked mommy!"

"Well, I'm speaking for your mommy. I've been married to her for a long time-" _Well, this is news to me..._ "-and I know everything about her-" _Pervert! I'm married to a pervert! My whole life – a LIE!_ "-and I know that she wants you to go and swim and have fun."

The two girls giggled and ran off, Roxas wishing he could run off after them. In fact, he was very tempted to stretch an arm out and scream: '_DON'T LEAVE ME HERE! Your dad is a very bad man and I am uncomfortable being alone with him! Shun him! Shun him!_'. But he didn't. Because he didn't want to spoil Selphie and Olette's good time.

Well, that's what he told himself anyway. He did not like being alone with Axel, nu-uh, no way.

"Having fun, Roxanne?" asked Axel, somehow (magically) ending up behind him again.

Selphie's room was _weird_. As soon as you stepped over the threshold Physics had a heart attack and common sense flew out the window. It had _five-hundred_ corners and allowed Axel to travel through corridors of darkness, somehow ending up behind Roxas when he swore he had been **in front of him** mere split-seconds ago!

What was with her room?!?!?!

"You're making me feel queasy."

"It's called love."

"Or indigestion."

"How can _I_ make you feel that? It's not like you've eaten **me** and **I** went down the wrong way! Stupid _mommy_. It must be love!"

"I don't _love_ you," hissed Roxas through gritted teeth.

Axel feigned shock, placing a hand to the heart Roxas was beginning to think he didn't have. Only a really heartless person would put him through so much crap and still expect him to willingly give him free hugs. "You mean ... You mean we've entered a loveless marriage? You mean all our year- minutes together means _nothing_ to you? You mean you were having my kids and you didn't _care_?! Wait until I tell the girls!"

"One, it's a _stupid game_! Two, I have not had your kids, neither is the idea of me having your kids even possible! And three, er... You better... Shut up... Before I hit you!"

Yes. That was a good reason.

"You're cruel, Roxanne! I thought you _loved_ me!"

"Leave me alone."

"Who are you _really_ seeing? Who really holds your heart? I feel I must know! You are my wife!"

"And you are a pain in my backside! Tell me who you're _really_ working for!"

"...Heh," replied Axel, in a way not dissimilar to that weird kid at the Pizza Store. Riku, his name was, and he often came to work with his clothes in rags, crazy fangirls jumping around outside the store with pieces of his clothes in their hands. They weren't allowed in because they weren't 'outlandish' enough. They were crazy, though, definitely crazy. Sometimes they tried to enter the store by force, using signs they often carried about with them that read: '_Sora + Riku 4eva!_', breaking windows with them. And then Paine filed a lawsuit against them and they were never seen again. Apart from every time Riku came for work, running for his life. So, really, the lawsuit did nothing. Nothing! And life was good.

Roxas scowled, and walked over to one of the previously mentioned corners and sat down with his back facing Axel, and his face facing the wall. If Axel had to argue with him he could've responded with something better than 'heh'. Was he so boring that he did not deserve having cool comments wasted on him? Was that it? Was he so stupid that nobody could be _bothered_ to have interesting conversation with him?!

Well, he was interesting. He liked cheese... And cheese is the basis for all good, firm relationships!

Maybe if he proved to Axel how interesting and 'cool' he was then the red-head would think up a better response to the argument that wasn't '...heh'.

"Hey, Roxie, sorry. I didn't mean it! You know I love you r-"

Roxas turned around quickly, about to prove how interesting he was to Axel.

Unfortunately, his plan shattered about him into many pieces, several of which got in his eye.

He had planned to kiss Axel on the cheek as he had done to Roxas several times during Selphie's 'game'. That would prove how interesting he was, right?

But, sadly, he had misjudged where Axel's cheek was and had ended up kissing him on the lips instead.

The red-head blinked, the blond moving back quickly and banging into one of the (many) walls that lined the room. His face was beet-red, and he was looking everywhere apart from at Axel.

An awkward silence ensured.

"I'm sorry Axel! I didn't mean to, I swear! I w-"

He was cut off swiftly by Axel's lips descending upon his, arms on either side of his head, pinning his back to the wall.

Well, this was awkward... Even more so than the silence that had destroyed all traces of their previous argument a while ago.

Axel's lips were still on Roxas's, as the red-head forced himself on the trapped boy who really didn't know what to do. Should he run, or hit Axel, or bite him or what? Well, he couldn't bite him because his mouth was a bit busy, so that option was out...

Not knowing what to do, Roxas started to kiss Axel back. Their lips were sliding against each other's and their noses clunking together painfully. Roxas wasn't sure how to react properly, as he had never kissed anyone before. He had never even kissed Fuu or Rai on the cheek, like most children do to their parents. He had always been afraid that Fuu would stab him and Rai would ... stab him. Or shout 'Y'KNOW!' so loudly that he got blown back into the rose bush in the garden.

The red-head (eventually) broke away, looking up. His eye caught his two 'lovely daughters', who were screaming and being attacked by a Barney plushie.

"_We're being attacked by the dreaded Barney of the deep!_" they screamed, being dragged under the pile of plushies by the Barney.

Axel shrugged, figured they were just kidding about, and went back to kiss Roxas.

Selphie and Olette sighed, as they were finally dragged under by the wicked dinosaur, plushies falling over their heads and gagging them.

**pgbek – aera**

**summary:** Axel has to go and look after Selphie...

**a/n:** Heh heh... Told ya!


	6. GRADES

Outlandish _**P**__ain_e's **P**ecu_liar_ _**P**__i_zzas

catr - hpe

sx - i

**GRADES**

Roxas checked his watch again.

He needed to be out, and having 'a little chat about your progress' with his aunt (headteacher) in about five minutes, and he was scared it might have something to do with the history essay that had no relevance to the subject at all. When Roxas looked back at it, he did wonder what had been going on his little mind...

The title was: 'Who really killed the Keyblade Warrior?' and for the conclusion: 'And so, to conclude, Sin was actually the person who was previously the pet dog of the Summoner.'

He had screwed that paper up.

And that grade.

He checked his watch again, and raising his hand, he cried out, "SORRYMISSIHAVETOGOSEEAUNTIEAER- IMEANIHAFTAGOSEETHEHEADTHANKSBYE!"

He collected his books together and whilst running out of the classroom, stuffed them inside his bag. He then flung the satchel over his shoulder and carried on racing towards the head's office.

Once he was outside the door, he tried to smooth down his springy hair (and failing), and knocked on the door. A smooth, creamy voice from inside beckoned him.

"Sit down, Roxas."

Roxas sat down.

"Now, you know that if your grades continue to spiral down into the pits of nothingness, then we'll have to pull you out, and you're mother has been telling me that you told her that you much prefer it here in Twilight Town than to Destiny Islands. No?"

Roxas blinked. His mother was a liar. He'd never said anything of the sort, but it was true, he'd rather stay in Twilight Town than go back to Destiny Islands. Mainly because in Destiny Islands they shunned him for being clever, and for having his little 'problem'.

Back in Destiny Islands, Roxas passed out at least once every two days. Maybe, he was allergic to sea air or something, and the fresh (stinky), clean (clogged up) air (gas clouds) of Twilight Town was fixing his problem. Or maybe Roxas just didn't have time to faint at unnecessary moments anymore.

"Ye-"

And at this point, Roxas took one last gasp, and slumped over in his chair, limp as a flower in the winter season.

Aerith sighed, and tutted, before getting her phone and smiling warmly at her nephew muttering, "Silly boy... what _will_ we do with you?"

At the other end of the phone she could suddenly hear her sister-in-law.

"Fuu? It's Aerith, yeah, Roxas fainted. I'll get medics round, but no need to worry – I just thought you might want to know," Aerith heard a short reply as Fuu agreed and slammed the phone down. Then, the pink dressed woman took the In-School-Phone, used for making announcements and calling for receptionists and caretakers.

She asked for the Welfare Officer to come to her office, and then sat back down in her chair. She needed to tell Roxas about the offer she had for him...

She hoped his problem wouldn't cause too much damage.

**pgbek - aera**

Roxas gave the building a farewell kick as he left it. Hospitals made him angry. They always took him into places he wasn't sure he was comfortable with.

And besides, he didn't even _need _to go to hospital – he knew that most people around him knew how to deal with his 'problem'. So, going to the hospital was a **stupid**, _stupid_, stupid idea.

He carried on his mournful way. He didn't want to go back to school, there was hardly ever any point anyway; it was already two. And, to be honest, he wasn't exactly ecstatic to listen to Aerith's 'proposal'. It sounded more like a death warrant.

So, he just decided he'd walk to the park, hang there for a while, possibly from a tree. Then walk back to his house and play on video games or do homework or something.

So, he walked to the park, but instead of hanging from a tree, he decided it might be best to sit at a bench. So, sit at a bench he did, his head bent low and his eyes half closed, he looked like he was about to cry.

He didn't get it. Why was everything so wrong? Aerith was going to send him away. He was fainting again. He was failing at school. He didn't know what to do.

He just had to think. What could he do? **What?**

Maybe Axel would help him.

Or maybe Axel was the problem. That was it! He had to stop thinking about Axel! Axel made his insides squirm and his head go dizzy – that stopped his from being able to concentrate on his work. Maybe, the best thing to do would be to talk to Axel and tell him to avoid himself. If Roxas didn't see Axel, Roxas would forget Axel, right?

Right.

And just then, as if right on cue, like in one of those crappy stories where things happen one after the other in a series of 'and then, and then, and then **AND** and then', Axel appeared and then Roxas walked up to him and then Axel said, "Hi, Roxanne!" and then Roxas averted his eyes **AND** and then he looked back at Axel.

"Axel, do you think you could avoid me? Like, when you're doing your jobs?"

Axel looked down at Roxas who was staring at him with wide, blue eyes. A rush of emotions past over him, but as usual he didn't show it. Axel had no idea what happened that day with Selphie, things just happened... it seemed appropriate at the time. Similar to if you kill your girlfriend's dog, then set it on fire trying hopelessly to burn the evidence and eat the remains, claiming it was turkey, hairy turkey. That would seem appropriate, despite the fact that it would so much easier just to tell your girlfriend that you killed it.

But, the point was that one thing (the game) leads to another (Roxanne) and then you just don't know what's happening (the kiss).

"What do you mean?" he asked, a quizzical look spreading across his face.

"Well... I'm doing really bad at school... and well," a blush appeared on Roxas' face, and Axel suppressed a laugh, "It's like... I see you too much... and it's like... I... I don't know. It's just... like that."

For once in his life, Axel had no idea what to say. Roxas was a sweet kid, but how could Axel avoid him? He was drawn to the boy, like a magnet to a metal – except not one of those metals that aren't magnetic.

"I have to move schools if my grades slip any further..."

Axel suddenly felt a surge of guilt. He could tell that the idea of moving schools was not on Roxas' favourite things to do list. In fact, it was probably on his 'i-will-die-if-this-happens' list.

And Axel didn't want Roxas to die.

But, neither could he 'avoid' him. Axel couldn't 'avoid' anyone. He knew everyone in Twilight Town by face, and most, by name. So, he couldn't imagine how hard it would be to avoid Roxas, and he knew for a fact that the kid wouldn't be able to stay away from Outlandish Paine's for too long. Being 'one of them' meant that you are automatically drawn to the place. That's why Axel spent most of his working time there. Outlandish Paine's was his favourite job, and it had been made better ever since Roxas had started to come.

"Roxas..."

Roxas nodded his head.

"I don't think I'd be able to avoid you."

Roxas' back slumped, "Oh."

"But, I guess I can try..." Axel added, a little glumly.

Roxas shrugged, "'Kay. See you a- Bye."

Axel watched the depressed figure drift off towards the park exit. And just as Roxas disappeared from view, an idea popped into his head.

_Maybe I can help him! I did know the answers to his homework – I can help him with **all** his homework. Like... Like a tutor!_

And so, Axel walked off, knowing he'd see Roxas again, soon, very soon.

**pgbek – aera**

"ROXAS! Get downstairs... NOOWWWW!" roared Fuu, tacking the 'NOOWWWW!' onto the end of her sentence as an afterthought. Shouting was always a good way to get through to people. Especially teenagers like Roxas who found pleasure in locking themselves in their bedrooms with their radios on full-blast.

The blond grumbled – he'd been perfectly happy listening to sad, emo rock with his head in his hands musing over the crappyness of his life like any attention-seeker teenager – and turned off his radio. The song was cut off whilst in the middle of the lead singer bawling something that sounded a lot like 'I WANT TO DIE!'. The lead singer soudned a lot like Fuu, actually. His mother was prone to screaming 'I WANT TO DIE!' at random intervals when her cooking went all bodged and her soup turned as hard as dry cement and Rai tried to washed the car and broke it instead and Quistis lost her Math homework and started screaming about it.

"Coming!" cried Roxas, jumping down the stairs, taking them three at a time. It is never a good idea to keep Fuu waiting if you value your arms.

"It's from Aerith! Say hello your aunt," instructed Fuu, shoving the phone into Roxas' hands.

One good thing about having the headmistress your school as your aunt was that if she happened to ring up to ask why you failed to hand in your homework or got into a fight in the toilets or got an F in that last Physics exam your mother wouldn't know. Aunts are prone to ringing up their children and asking how they are, so Fuu just put down Aerith's call to typical aunt-like interest and thought nothing about the possible Fs in Physics Roxas might have got.

"Er... Hi, Miss. Gainsbo- Aerith," Roxas hastily corrected himself.

It was also hard having the headmistress as his aunt – he never knew what to call her. Maybe he should just settle for 'Miss Aerith Gainsborough' and then he wouldn't have to alternate between the two names.

"How are you Roxas? After your little ... problem at school, I mean?" asked the woman, attempting to engage in friendly banter. It's always good to be nice before breaking horrible news like, I don't know, 'You've just been transfered to our neighboring school, Traverse Town High, due to your pitiful test results'.

And Roxas didn't want to go to Traverse Town High.

Twilight Town High was famous for good test results, clean school grounds, well-equipped classrooms, well-behaved children and impeccable standards.

Traverse Town High was famous for bad grades and bad behavior, the children working in falling-down classrooms that smelt of corpses. The kids there were all sluts and drug-dealers and their futures were very grim indeed – the only thing that school produced were lap dancers and criminals.

Roxas didn't want to go there.

He'd never survive.

"Yeah, Aerith, I'm fine..." said Roxas shakily. He was waiting for it...

"You weren't at school for the rest of the day."

"It was nothing. Just felt a bit sick..."

"Mmm. It's alright, I understand. Now, Roxas, I have something to tell you..."

_Here it comes... "Roxas, I'm very sorry to tell you, but you've been moved to Traverse Town High. I hear that if you study reaaalllyyyy hard you might eventually get a really sought-after job, like a McDonald and Goofy's employee. If you go to that school it's the best career to be looking at... Unless you prefer to be a man whore?"_

Roxas shuddered, providing hundreds of endings for Aerith's sentence in his head. None of them were very pretty.

"I know your failing in your studies..."

"_...so you're going to Traverse Town high now!"_

"...and I'm sure the option of studying in the after-school club doesn't really appeal to you."

"What, with the 'freaks'?"

"Roxas, the underachievers in my school are not 'freaks'. Just because the vast majority of them are pimple-covered, brace-wearing, greasy-haired..."

"Freaks."

It was sort of funny finding out what Aerith really thought of the pupils at her school. But then again, it sort of wasn't. Roxas knew he was every bit as bad as those freaks in the special education class. The ones who didn't know their ABCs yet and swore constantly. The ones who smelt of grease and fat. The ones who had a one-way ticket to hell, A.K.A Traverse Town High.

Occasionally one or two of the special kids washed their hair, used shampoo, slapped on clean clothes that weren't stained with last week's dinner and really studied hard. One or two would be able to start acheving decent grades again and would be able to slide into their rightful places are model students with little hassle.

But only occasionally.

Roxas didn't want to become one of those.

Nu-uh. No way.

"So I have another option that you might prefer!"

_Great... here it comes..._

"Axel came over to look after Selphie at about three and said he'd had a really good idea about your tuition!"

_What, even AXEL wants me to be shipped off to Traverse Town High?_

"He offered to tutor you himself in his free time! Wasn't a nice thing for him to do?"

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- Wait a minute... I'm not going to be sent to that other horrible school? And I don't have to leave Axel? He's going to teach me himself? It doesn't sound that bad... In fact, it doesn't sound 'bad' at all!_

"Roxas?" asked Aerith, obviously worried about his silence. "Are you alright? Don't you think it's a great idea?"

"I... Er... Sure!" said a flustered Roxas, his heart starting to beat normally again. Life was starting to look up... He knew exactly what he was going to do when he got upstairs. He was going to put that stupid emo CD away and bring out his happy one to celebrate. Only... He didn't have a CD containing any songs that were half-way happy. Oh well... He could always play the emo CD anyway, and replace the depressing lyrics with happy ones conjured up from his head. Only Roxas wasn't very good at thinking up happy lyrics... They'd probably end up even more depressing than before, like 'I WANT TO DIE!' morphing into 'I WANT TO COMMIT SUICIDE, HARM MYSELF WITH POINTY OBJECTS AND SLIT MY WRISTS!'.

...Damn.

Maybe he'd just eat some of those funny-smelling cupcakes Fuu had made yesterday and get weird visions and then puke (she shouldn't have put fairy liquid in them... It makes you hallucinate).

"Come over to mine tomorrow at four after school. Axel'll be there. He'd like to tutor you at his house, but looking after my Selphie really is a handful..."

"I... er... alright..."

"Good! Bye, Roxas!"

Roxas heard the click that confirmed his aunt had put the phone down at her end and followed her example at his end.

Now it was time to celebrate with the cool hallucinatey cupcakes.

**pgbek – aera**

**summary:** Roxas tells Axel to avoid him but Axel decides to become Roxas' tutor.

**a/n:** Yes. I liked this chapter – but my favourite was SELPHIE. For obvious reasons. Hee.


	7. TUTORING

Outlandish _**P**__ain_e's **P**ecu_liar_ _**P**__i_zzas

catr - hpe

svn - ee

**TUTORING**

Roxas rang the doorbell a couple of times, and twisted his messenger bag round awkwardly. He hadn't been sure which books to bring so he had just brought his english, maths and two of his science books. Because apparently biology didn't count as a subject.

According to his chemistry and physics teachers...

Aerith opened the door and grinned, warmly. She stepped to the side, letting Roxas in, "Axel's upstairs with Selphie. Just go on up." 

Roxas gave a small smile and headed for the stairs.

And, so this is how Roxas' journey in which much fluffness occurred, making girls, and in some occasions boys, squeal and coo in admiration in awe.

Slowly opening Selphie's door and stepping lightly in, Roxas looked for Selphie and Axel.

He found them, Selphie was sitting on Axel's lap in a chair he had been sure hadn't been there before. He was reading her a fairy tale story and she was listening intently, stabbing the 'pretty' pictures with her stubby fingers. Axel was laughing along and reading all the people's voices to perfection, making Selphie giggle.

Roxas just stared, they hadn't noticed his arrival, and obviously they were too busy to care anyway.

Axel was acting like a real father with Selphie. Marluxia had never liked Selphie that much, Roxas could remember Fuu talking about it to Rai, telling him that even as a child, Marluxia had disregarded Selphie and pushed her to the side.

"Rox**anne**!" came a happy voice. Roxas looked up to see Axel with Selphie on his lap, jumping about excitedly. "Just in time! Selphie's just gone to sleep!"

"But..." Roxas looked back at Selphie who was snoozing quietly on Axel's lap. He shook his head, "Er... yeah. So... um..."

"C'mon then, I'll just tuck Selphie in and then I'll help you with your stuff," Axel told him, heaving Selphie off his lap, and hauling her in her bed. Roxas rubbed the back of his head and moved over to a quiet corner of the room, starting to unpack his bag.

Axel came over after Selphie was safe in her bed and not able to fall out. He sat down next to Roxas and grinned.

"Hey, Roxanne, glad you could make it."

Roxas glared at him, shoving his books in the direction of Axel's hands. Axel tutted but took them anyway.

"So, what do you have? ...English, maths, physics and chemistry. So, what do you want to start with?" Roxas thought for a moment before pointing at his english book. English had always been his best subject, but he'd still been bad at it anyway.

So, the few hours went by and Roxas learnt lots of new stuff about english, and maths, and science. This time including biology. It seemed biology was a more interesting subject than any teacher made it out to be.

And so, every day, after school, Roxas would meet Axel on Selphie's room at four exactly, and soon Roxas knew that he'd be smart enough to ... be smart.

**pgbek – aera**

Olette liked making bets.

Well, no, Olette did not like making bets – she liked winning bets. She liked winning bets and getting munny and then spending it all on wild shopping sprees with her best friend, Kairi. Unless, of course, she'd made the bet with Kairi in the first place and cheated her out of her entire week's allowance. Then Olette ended up dragging the disgruntled girl about town taking years to examine every pretty outfit in every pretty store, pointing them all out to her friend, laughing because she could buy them and Kairi could not.

It was a good friendship, alright.

Olette had been wanting this new top for a while now, and she had little money to waste on clothes. Her mother refused to extend her allowance for mere outfits – her wardrobe was cluttered with them anyway.

And so, being a girl, she had a cunning plan that would guarantee she got that top. She needed it to live.

Well, she'd said that about those converse shoes, but then when she'd actually bought them they'd turned out not to be converse, but unbranded converse, which is not the same thing as converse. And Olette couldn't walk into school with cheap imitation knock-offs (despite the fact they hadn't been cheap) and so she didn't really need them to live... But that's not the point.

The point is that Olette had been studying Axel and Roxas's relationship for a long time, and now she was prepared to make another bet with Kairi. A bet with higher stakes. More munny to be lost if she failed, and maybe she'd throw in her charm bracelet Kairi had always admired in exchange for one of those cool arm-band thingys the other girl had.

She was only prepared to bet all this because she knew she would win this bet, just like the previous ninety-seven she'd made with the red-head.

That Monday morning Olette sauntered over ever-so-casually to the radiator in the hall by the doors where Kairi always waited for Sora and Riku, ready to make another 'business' proposal.

"Say, Kairi? I've got another bet I'd like to make..." said the girl, smiling.

"Not interested."

Kairi had learnt her lesson well – overall she'd lost about 5,000 munny to the girl over the last six months, and she needed to save up. She wanted to buy this 'totally' cute top really badly... All the girls did, really. They were all obsessed with that top, and if Kairi got it first...

"But this is different than all the others. I'm prepared to bet 2,000 munny-"

_Despite the fact I don't have 2,000 munny... But what Kairi doesn't know won't hurt her_, said inner-Olette, sniggering silently as the red-head raised an eyebrow and looked with apparent interest on her face. _Oh, she's so shallow..._

It was time to bring out the big guns.

"**And** I'll throw in my charm bracelet!"

Well, that just cinched it for Kairi.

She didn't even know what the bet was, and already her eyes were filled with stars. She was obviously having very happy inner-thoughts of her marching around with that 'totally' cute top and charm bracelet (that complimented the pinks and whites so well) and maybe snapping up a date with Sora because she looked so 'adorable'.

_That top would be wasted on Olette, anyway. Her hair doesn't look right in stuff like that... It would be cruel to loose this bet and give her munny so she can buy it... _cackled inner-Kairi gleefully.

She was going to beat Olette. She had to.

Kairi and Olette had a very strange friendship.

Everybody in the school believed them to be enemies because Olette hung around with Hayner and Pence in their little gang and Kairi hung around with Sora and Riku in the other little gang. And, because most people have watched the modern version of Romeo and Juliet, they believed that all gangs had to fight to the death. With blood and betch-slapping and nasty name-calling and 'unrequited' love.

This rivalry everybody believed Kairi and Olette had wasn't true, but if everyone believes something it does have an effect on you. Now Kairi felt she had to defeat Olette at every little thing, almost as if they were arch-nemesises. Although, Sora and Riku always tried to beat eachother at everything and they were still friends... Or gay, which was what most of the crazy SoraRiku fangirl club believed them to be.

The SoraRiku fangirl club was crazy. They walked around in large groups with signs that said 'SORARIKU 4EVA' and beat anybody with them who said they didn't like that couple, and gave out Sora and Riku cookies and posters and pens.

Kairi had no idea where they got the images of Sora and Riku cuddling and she didn't want to know.

"Anyway, I bet that Axel and Roxas will kiss!" cried Olette.

Kairi snorted – she was so going to get that top.

She'd seen Roxas. He had a fan base made of squealing girls who didn't try to make posters of him with random guys. Of course he wasn't gay. But then again, neither were Sora and Riku...

"And I'll take a picture as proof and bring it in to you!" continued Olette. "Give me... One week?"

"Deal."

And with that, the girls shook hands.

And then started to beat each other to bloody pulps, screaming things like 'BETCH!' and 'I'LL KILL YOU!' because some random kids had walked past, looking at the two girls expectantly.

They were rivals. They were meant to kill each other.

It was all a show, but nobody else had to know that.

The knowledge of Kairi and Olette's friendship would probably break the hearts of several violence loving children (A.K.A the entire school) and result in tears, tantrums and psychiatrists.

And nobody wanted that.

**pgbek – aera**

**summary:** Axel is Roxas' tutor and Olette places a bet that they'll kiss before one week.

**a/n:** Yes. That's right, Axel's pretty clever... Sorry it's so short. And we've found out that this is gunna be about 21 chapters, give or take a couple. Next chapter's a long one :3

ON ANOTHER NOTE: I updated o.O Well, we can't be having that. I read through it again & realised that the writing is not the best ever. -cough- (Maybe one day it will be fixed) & the scenarios are absolutely BONKERS. I had to take out a whole chapter. I might put it in as an added extra at the end of the whole thing just for you lot who actually stick by this. Warnings: there is Soriku-fangirlism-bashing (we really hated it back then); Kairi-bashers-bashing (...meh, I still don't like Kairi-bashing. Kairi's cooool.); moments (chapters) of terrible, God-awful writing (my chapters – not skitts'); random crap; unnecessary fluff; unnecessary drama; etc. But, seriously, if you like stuff like that, keep reading. If not... keep reading. :D


	8. BET

Outlandish _**P**__ain_e's **P**ecu_liar_ _**P**__i_zzas

catr - hpe

egt – ih

**BET**

**Monday.**

"Look... First you take that number, right?" asked Axel, leaning over towards Roxas, who was sat at the other end of the table. His face was scrumpled up in confusion and he was pressing random buttons on the large, chunky calculator that was sat ever-so temptingly next to his arm.

It was hard to concentrate when there was something to fiddle with next to his arm, as he made endless attempts to spell his name with the numbers of the calculator. He knew this was impossible because his name had an X in it. Maybe he could put in 'Rocks ass'. Yeah, he rocks ass.

Wait... that was impossible too... Stupid piece of junk.

"Roxas. Put down the calculator."

The blond boy shrugged and stopped in his futile attempts of spelling his name on it. Or any sort of abbreviation of his name. He settled on putting in a pathetic '14' which resulted in a 'hi' when flipped upside down and made himself comfortable on his uncomfortable chair.

Damn.

Now he was trying to wriggle around in his chair, attempting to find the best sitting position that wouldn't hurt his back and snap his spine.

Whenever there was an alternative to doing Maths – like playing with calculators and dancing around in chairs – Roxas would take it.

"Roxas. Stop dancing."

"I'm not dancing," hissed the boy, continuing to, for lack of better word, dance around in his chair. "It's uncomfy! How do you expect me to do any work on this stupid chair?"

Dining room chairs are not known to be good for bad backs. They're for posture, to keep you sitting upright so you don't try to fall asleep in them and offend anyone.

"Well, how about we go and sit on the sofa then?" asked the red-head, applying his quick wit and common sense to the situation.

"Mmn... That sounds okay," Roxas nodded, gathering his things off the table with a big sweeping movement of his arms. He made his way over to the sofa and dumped the colourful assortment of red workbooks, green workbooks, yellow workbooks, black workbooks, orange workbooks, grey workbooks and blue workbooks (that used to be yellow before it fell into the bathtub. What it was doing spelunking into the bathtub was anybodys' guess. Maybe it just fancied a jog and a little swim) on the floor. And _then_ Roxas attempted to climb over this tower of said books to get onto said sofa, scrambling over them and creating a mini landslide.

Axel laughed and stepped over the books carefully, sitting next to Roxas on the sofa.

"So... About those Maths problems...?"

Roxas sighed, not really feeling like it at the moment. He was next to Axel on the sofa (somehow being on a sofa was more romantic than being on a chair that wanted to kill you. Roxas knew... He'd sat at long tables with Naminé for as long as he could remember and there was never any hint of romance in that. Mostly because she kept lecturing him about he didn't exist. At least, not her eyes, now that Demyx had moved into her life with his hair and his sitar and his car).

He was next to Axel on a sofa.

It was the beginning pieces of any good romantic comedy. Maybe with a few witty jokes and pre-recorded laughing audiences and girls called Olette that barge in at any moment of the night and day to provide hilarity and chocolate fudge brownies.

"Roxas? Come on, we're on this page," said Axel, leaning over and plucking a book of the large pile on the floor. He flipped it open and landed on the very page that they were on, stabbing it with his finger.

The blond looked down at the page Axel was pointing at, scattered with confusing diagrams and lots of sums that all marched along with spears and lances, ready to kill anybody who dared attempt to tease a meaning out of them.

"I don't understand it," moaned Roxas, his brain slowly mushifying as Axel moved up closer to him, resting the book on both their laps.

"You won't understand it if you don't try."

"They have SPEARS! They're dangerous!" cried Roxas, his brain trickling into a fine paste that could also be used as a substitute for glue. Or treacle. Because we all know treacle is made of glue.

"It's not that hard! I know it may seem like they have pointy weapons and they're trying to gouge your eyes out, but they're not," Axel reassured him, moving in even closer. It was getting ever harder to concentrate... Damn that Axel...

He smelt of firelighters and strawberry shampoo...

Wait a minute...

"You use strawberry shampoo?" asked Roxas, raising an eyebrow critically.

"No, it's my sister's. She emptied the bottle on my head this morning because I ate all the cereal. There were five other boxes in the cupboard but nooooo, she had to have a sudden craving for RAISIN BRAN! Raisin bran is **my** favourite! MINE!" cried Axel dramatically.

"...Heh..." heh'd Roxas.

"Yeah. Anyway, as I was saying, you multiply this number by that one and then divide it by the twelve..."

_What twelve? THERE IS NO TWELVE! Where the hell is he getting this twelve from?!_

"...and then you add the nine to the eight and then work out the mean..."

By this time Roxas had stopped paying attention to Axel's long-winded explanation (that was still about five-thousand words shorter that the one the book offered in the handy blue box in the corner) and was happily inhaling the delicious scent of strawberry shampoo and firelighters. It was nice... And it was making him feel sleepy...

Would Axel mind if he rested his on his shoulder?

"...and that's what you do. Get it, Roxas? Got it memorised?" asked Axel brightly, turning to look at the blond boy. "Roxas?"

"You smell nice," muttered Roxas.

"Thank you, but that piece of information doesn't really help your low score in Maths. Now, I'm going to repeat that explanation to you again... Veeerrrryyyy sllooowwwwllllyyy... And you are going to understand and take notes, okay? Roxas? Roxas?"

The blond boy hated that stupid Maths book. He didn't like it being on his lap, all heavy like a tonne of bricks. He wanted rid of it. That stupid heavy book that wasn't A4, A5 or anything in between. It was CONFUSING! What the hell WAS IT?!

To save his brain from being microwaved further by confusing thoughts of what size paper his Maths book was made of he tipped it on the floor, where he wouldn't have to bother with it.

It wasn't fair. He just wanted it be him and Axel on the sofa. He didn't want that stupid pervy Maths book watching their every move from his lap. It was obviously in cahoots with Olette's orange top... He swore he saw faces in it sometimes...

"Roxas! Tipping your book on the floor isn't going to help!"

"I don't want to do Maths! I want to take a break!"

"You can't take a break, you haven't learnt anything yet! Miss Gainsbourough will _kill_ me if you get another D in your Maths test, and then she'll think that I'm not teaching you anything and then I won't be able to tutor you anymore and you'll have to go to that slut school..."

"Aerith wouldn't do that, she's nice."

"Oh, that 'Aerith' woman's nice. But Miss Gainsborough's _evil_."

"They're the same person."

"It's like Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde... Her sweet, pink-dress-and-braided-hair-loving side gives way to her evil, pink-dress-and-braided-hair-loving side as soon as she steps into that building more commonly known as... _Hell_..."

By now it seemed like all thoughts of picking up the Maths book and starting again had gone out of the window, and a very pretty window it was too. Or maybe it was ugly, because the Maths book liked it.

"Heh... Hell..." Roxas echoed Axel's words, looking up at his face. From his large green eyes down to his nose (on his nose he had little to say because it is just plain FREAKY if you start obsessing about somebody's NOSE) and then to his lips...

Axel looked back down to Roxas and smiled a devious little smile, leaning down to the boy's face...

**And then...**

"HELLOGUYS! IMADESOMECHOCOLATEFUDGEBROWNIES!" shouted Olette, barging into the room.

Axel and Roxas jumped apart as if burned, Roxas scooting over to one side of the sofa and Axel to the other. It was painfully obvious that they had been having an 'intimate' moment that Olette's joyous statement had ruined. But Olette didn't notice this, mainly because she was trying very hard to get them together... With chocolate fudge brownies of DOOOM! And stuff...

"Thought you guys could use a little break," she smiled breezily, plonking the brownies down the table. "Be careful, they're hot!" As she turned to walk away from the scene of the crime she shot a pointed gaze at Roxas and Axel that plainly read 'KISS YOU FOOLS!'. She fiddled with the camera that hung around her neck (borrowed from Pence. Well, alright, stolen from Pence, because he was very protective of that camera and was completely unreasonable about giving it away. It had taken a great many picture, that camera, pictures such as 'Olette gets something stuck in her teeth' and 'Hayner falls over'.).

"I'm going to go and play with Selphie now," hissed Olette, walking away.

Axel and Roxas looked at each other.

"Any-WAY, how about those Maths problems?!" asked Axel wildly.

**pgbek – aera**

**Tuesday.**

Roxas had not been feeling too good at school that day, mostly because Olette seemed very displeased with him. He wasn't sure why the ringlet'd girl had been giving him the cold shoulder all day, but it hurt a little bit, all the same.

At lunchtime Roxas had been unable to find Olette in the canteen and had stood there stupidly holding his red plastic tray laden with cheap white-bread sandwiches and diluted smoothies looking about at the sea of unfamiliar faces with worry etched onto his face.

Not being able to find Olette (and Hayner and Pence being absent due to a lunchtime detention) the boy had been forced to sit with a large gaggle of Roxas fangirls. It was either that or sit by himself, and one sitting by one's self was not socially acceptable. Even the sad kids who didn't have vast entourages of fangirls to carry their bags and distribute cookies in the shape of their heads sat with someone.

Lunch had been painful.

He had sat there with a forced smile and gritted teeth, eyes glassy like Selphie's scary Woody the cowboy doll that had a look of utter madness etched permanently onto his face. It was a horrible face that doll had, a face that would come back to haunt you in your dreams.

The girls had been squealing and cooing at him like pigeons, holding their Roxas dollies so tightly that one or two felt heads fell off. If they were voodoo dolls, Roxas would have been worried for his safety. Thankfully they didn't seem to have evil powers, but his stomach did feel awfully cramped as if he had been squeezed roughly around the middle by some strong arms. Or maybe that was because he'd eaten food so quickly in order to get away from the sea of girls.

And then he had a Maths test and got another F.

Yipee.

So, taking his entire day into account, it was little wonder that Roxas turned up at Olette's house with a face that would scare Nosferatu into submission.

He flung open the front door forcefully, kicked it shut, tramped into the hall with shoes caked in mud and started to get his books out with as much force as he could muster, throwing them willy nilly at Axel who was sat at the table. The red-head raised his hands above his head and tried to deflect the waves of hardbacked missiles that were shooting towards him, ducking a rabid Chemistry textbook and catching a History one neatly.

"History it is," he said with a sigh, looking down at the hideous green book. Axel had always hated History – he'd never been very good at it himself. It had been so boring listening to all those dates and names and then being expected to remember them just like that. "So, Roxas, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," growled the blond, throwing his schoolbag onto the sofa where he had Axel had sat the day before, taking a seat at the table.

"That's a stupid thing to say. It's very obvious that there's _something_ wrong."

"You're just a tutor. You're paid to care."

"I'm not paid at all. I do this out of my love for learning and ... stuff ... I have a deep passion for teaching... And non-flame retardant tents," Axel said, nodding his head vigorously as if he'd just proved a point.

"How can you like non-flame retardant tents? They make it easy for your tent to set on fire!"

"Whatever, none-flame retardant tents are the tents that _don't_ call flames retards!" Axel grinned, looking at Roxas' face. It was less 'I WILL KILL JHOO. RAWR' and more 'You have a funny face and it makes me laugh'. "There, see. I make everybody feel better! So are you gonna tell me what's wrong?"

"Only if you can actually teach me something today. I had no idea what you babbling on about yesterday."

"I taught you stuff yesterday. Not necessarily about Maths, but I still taught you stuff!" cried Axel indignantly. "Alright, alright, I promise you'll walk away from this session with a brain bigger than it was before!"

"You're going to feed me illegal chemicals?"

"No. Olette's going to feed you illegal chemicals. Did you taste those brownies she made? They tasted of **rubber**. Just like the time she tried to bake the cake for Selphie's birthday party and dropped her pink kitchen gloves in the mixture... It was a big hit with Selphie. She was convinced Olette had dug up a graveyard and put dead people's fingers in her food. Needless to say, she loved it. Ate every last crumb. Sooo..." Axel ended his amusing anecdote about cake and corpses and looked down at the History book that was just screaming to be read. "So, Roxas. Who was the first female British Prime Minister?"

"Er... Mother Theresa?"

"Well, it's closer than what I got in the History exam when I was young..."

"What did you get?"

"We don't speak of it..." hissed Axel darkly, his face clouding over as if his mind was being torn down with painful images of death and burning buildings and old grandmas running from said burning buildings in nightgowns screaming about dead cats.

"So, did I get it right?" asked Roxas hopefully.

"No. It was _Margaret Thatcher_, not Mother Theresa," replied Axel, looking down quickly at the book just to make sure he was right.

"That's cheating!"

Axel stuck his tongue out. "Tough. So, Roxas, what was one of **Margaret Thatcher's** nicknames?" he asked, putting extra emphasis on her name. Hopefully to get the fact hammered into the little boy's skull as quickly and painfully as possible.

"Maggie?"

"No, Roxas. There's 'the Iron Lady'-"

"THAT MAKES NO SENSE! Not unless she's a robot hell-bent on world domination! I think Maggie makes so much more SENSE! That would like me calling you... Calling you..."

"The Sexiest Thing That Ever Lived?"

"Yeah. Exactly. Makes no sense. I mean, you? Sexy? Pfftt..."

"Hey. I take offense to that! I _am_ sexy and you know it!" Axel said, leaning over the table to take Roxas's hands in his own.

At this exact moment Olette decided to barge into the room, hands on her hips and chocolate brown hair blowing around her face.

"I just thought you guys might like some MUSIC!" she cried, making her way over to the radio in the corner. She flipped a few switches and suddenly the room was filled with the sounds of some preppy blonde girl singing.

Axel rolled his eyes and gritted his teeth, relinquishing his grip on Roxas's hand and sliding back over to his side of the table.

"_SHA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA MY OH MY LOOKS LIKE THE BOY'S TOO SHY AIN'T GONNA KISS THE GI-_"

"**BOY!**" shouted Olette, walking out of the room.

Roxas put his face in his palm and sighed.

**pgbek – aera**

**Wednesday** **(and Thursday)**

start transmission _Please let these two days pass by with little mention. The authors are getting tired now. _end transmission

And so the term, 'wasting time' suddenly had a whole new meaning.

**pgbek – aera**

**Friday**

Axel paced Selphie's room. He was sure he was wearing the floor out, but that didn't really matter – after all, this is **Selphie's **room.

Where was Roxas?

He was an hour late already! And Selphie had told Axel that he had been run over by a truck on the way there: she had seen it happen! Axel doubted this however, considering that the windows in Selphie's room were actually pieces of cards with crappily drawn pictures on them pretending to be windows so Selphie didn't seem left out or window-less. As the case may be.

He was so worried, and he had never been this worried about someone before, ever. He wasn't allowed out the room until his time with Selphie was up, so he couldn't ask Olette where Roxas was without being fired, or maybe even something worse, like being eaten by one of Marluxia's light bulb-fed plants.

So, he paced Selphie's room while she made "**Brrrrrmmm, brrrrrmm**," noises with her toy cars.

Suddenly the doorbell rang and Axel could hear Aerith scolding someone, or something like that. Then, heavy footsteps led up to Selphie's door and an out-of-breath Roxas fell into Axel's arms.

"Well, hello there, Roxas, what took you so long?"

Roxas panted, and picked himself up, brushed himself down and flopped onto the sofa.

"I was in detention but I managed to get out of it early because I told them I had an important meeting to discuss my social issues."

"And that worked?"

"Obviously."

Axel watched over Roxas as he took out some books from his bag, "You know, today, you don't have to do any work. I've decided. You can relax," he grinned. Roxas sighed, and grinned back, his head falling back on the sofa. He closed his eyes and took some deep breaths. He had run all the way back from school to Olette's. That meant through the park, down the alley and right across the town centre.

But, he'd made it, and he didn't have to do any work. He was feeling light headed and joyous. And he didn't stop feeling light headed and joyous when he felt the sofa dip as Axel came to sit next to him or when Olette bounded into the room with her camera.

"Right guys," he heard her say, "All week, I've been trying to get a picture of you two kissing and if I don't get one then Kairi's going to get a lot of munny and I'll have minus three hundred. 'Kay? So, why can't you just work with me and kiss? It won't mean anything, I promise – just a kiss... please?"

Roxas opened his eyes dreamily, "Sure..."

"Really? No, like, **really**?"

Roxas nodded slowly and lifted his head. He felt half asleep and he didn't care if Axel didn't agree, but Roxas pressed his lips to Axel's, who, so surprised, didn't do anything. Until he pushed Roxas down onto the sofa.

Roxas threaded his fingers into Axel's long red hair, and slid his hands down to his neck. Axel kept his hands firmly beside Roxas where he couldn't escape.

Olette squealed and began taking pictures from all directions. Right, left, here, there, from a height (she grabbed a helicopter and rode over them), and lastly from where she was to begin with.

By this time, both Axel and Roxas were out of breath, and stopped. Roxas smiled, still in a dream-like state, though now it was even more so than before. He felt like sleeping, but then again... he didn't.

Axel sat up, glancing at Roxas every so often with a devious glint in his eye. Roxas sat up, and as he did so, all dreaminess evaporated and his cheeks began to burn.

Olette took one last picture of Roxas sitting next to Axel, blushing, and Axel who had his hands behind his head, smirking.

"Eeee! Kairi's **so** gonna kill you Axel!"

Axel shrugged. "She's done it all before..."

Olette skipped out of the room feeling happier than she had done in a long while. She had her photos – she had her munny.

**pgbek – aera**

**summary: **Olette tries getting Roxas and Axel to kiss but fails so by the end of the week she just asks them to do so and they do.

**a/n:** Eee hee hee hee! Long one. Again. I liked it because Olette was **ruining** their chances of kissing every time, but then at the end she just asked them and they were all "Meh. Okay." and then they did and she got a helicopter and was all "FLY ME OVER THERE, HELICOPTER DRIVER SLAVE!" and so he did and then she took a picture. I bet when Roxas wakes up from his delirious state he'll be mad.  
Heh.


End file.
